It's funny when and where God can and will speak to you. Even the fact that he speaks to us can captivate me. With all the planning we tend to do, the thing we can't plan for, is how we will respond when God calls us out. Jonah ran away. Abram packed up his stuff and went. Moses made excuses. Paul laid down his accomplishments, and body. It's the story Jesus tells us about the house on sandy ground and the storm comes. It's the parable he tells us about the seed that falls on the thorns. Will our foundation lack real relationship and trust in God? Will the worries of this world get us? When we finally learn to listen to God, do we actually carry out what he says? When we find out how much we have to give up, do we want it anymore?
I didn't know what I was getting into when I stepped out of my box, and help lead a group teenagers, and college students to Africa. Never gone further then Texas up to that point, and yet God wanted this ghetto kid who grew up eating cheese whiz sandwiches, playing baseball in the middle of the street, playing in a fire hydrants in the summer time cause we had no pools, to lead. My next step was to quit my job, sell my truck and give away my dog. A year later and 4 trips to Africa brought me to another decision.
There was a group of some crazy missionary friends that wanted to form a group to reach the unreached places of the world. Dangerous corners where darkness claims the territory and peoples hearts. And God called this hood kid who, had no father to raise him, lived on welfare, stared into death at the end of a gun, to join these people. And so I hitched hiked to Kansas City, to go to a church plant school, with no money.
I end up in the country landscape of Thailand starring at rice fields. Again with a decision. Do I stay or do I go home. Let me tell you what kept me grounded in all those instances of my life, and how it led to living here. It started with a God who loved me enough to die and resurrect for my sins, Amen. This God called me out. So I faced God several times with this idea that he wanted to turn the world upside down for him and wants me to be a part in it. I got on my knees and said "Lord if i can't give up all that I have right now for you, then why do I say I believe. I am ready." Months later when God spoke to me to go, and there I was facing the fire. But each time I choose, I did it cause that is what he requires of me. Because I love him.
All this takes me to 2 weeks ago. I was coming back from taking care of some business at the US embassy, when I decided to take a break and get something to eat. I stepped into this nice little mall. I stopped at a book store just to browse. I found the South Asia book section. Books on, brothels in Singapore, prostitutes in Pattaya, Thailand, lady boys in Thailand, the poor in Burma, War and depression in Cambodia. Images filled my head like I had downloaded them off of itunes or something. I walked out and headed towards the Burger King. As I walked each women working in the place reminded me of all the broken, empty, torn hearts that I see everyday. Each man reminded me, of generations lost of fathers and killed off in wars. I cried in that mall. I wept hard inside. As people sipped up their Starbucks, I was trying not to break down in sorrow.
How does this all connect? Did God show Abram the land that he would give his offspring? Did God give a detailed plan of the things that would test the heart of David? Job know because he obeyed, he would lose it all? If we are only concerned with God then we understand why we have to do things to some degree. Psalms 25:12 "Him shall he teach in the way he chooses". But what is certain we should Believe, not just know about it, Believe! Deuteronomy 29:29 "The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but things that are revealed belong to us and our children forever...".
I don't write this being the example of faith, I think some of you know me to well to claim that, but to say, Yes to God is a step closer to finding out who he meant for you to be. To share his heart for the world. I am an apostle to South East Asia! I cry out for these people.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal
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