Fret? Who's fretting?

TODAY JUST KILLED IT ALL!!!

You know the month before was really rough for me. I sent a whole email about it. Well this month has not been better. And today it got worse. This officially is the bottom for me,(until it gets worse). So this month is worse than the month before, already.

My mom lovingly sent a very very very important package to the wrong address but didn't tell me that she did until last week. So the package had been sitting at the post office for two weeks. It contains cash gift cards, my third Visa check card I have had to send for, and other cool stuff like beef jerky, pictures of my nieces and nephews, and fluff. So I finally tracked it down and went to go get it today.

It was not close, but after driving my moto all the way to the post office some 20 minutes, the man that would help start a chain of events that would ruin my month was waiting there with his stupid grin. I had called this afternoon before I had driven over to ask them specifically if my package was there. They said yes, just bring your passport and you can pick it up. I came with my passport, and Work permit in a case together to pick it up. The fool of a man who was suppose to help me could not find the package, and instead of asking someone else he claims that it should be with the person who signed for it at my old house 2 weeks ago.(what the H-E- double hockey sticks is he thinking) I told them how could that be, when I had called this morning and someone said it was here. So he invites me in and now there are two more useless guys talking it over with me about where the package could be. Again I tell them that the package was said to be here. They don't listen and are convinced that it is with the person who signed for the package. Already angry that they could be so incompetent, I tried not to tell them all off and tell them how stupid they could be for letting someone else take my package that has been sent half way across the world so easily, and then not have a clue as to where is it, I shook my head gritted my teeth and took off for the old house I used to live in. Which was not close by either. Another 15 minute ride on a moto-bike later I finally reached the house and started collecting my things and get ready to investigate as to where this package could be. That is when it all got worse. I noticed that my other documents are in my moto carrying basket except, my passport, and work permit case!!! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! That's what I said. The basket had broken off of it's weld, leaving the back of it unconnected. The work permit that I had so long waited, prayed, and waited, and waited for was lost, along with the other final piece of document that said who I was and the thing that allows me to be here. Gone. All the money, time and energy, gone. I took some deep breaths, remembering that I still had not even started to figure out where the package was. But knowing that with out my passport I couldn't receive it anyway.

After asking the neighbor that received my package, who had given it to the people who now live in the house, who had given it to the security guards, who had given it back to the mailman and who had brought it back to the post office which I started off in the morning in. NOT KIDDING. I could not tell you how out of it I was. I could not believe something like this was happening again to me. I drive all the way back to the post office, but now with a peace of paper from the guards showing proof that the box had been sent back to the post office with a specific person on a specific date. I go right back in the post office, straight to the back like I worked there, and got the attention of one of the three stooges. I show him the signed piece of paper, and tell him with all the patience left in me that this package has to be here. So he calls the guy whose name is on the sheet of paper. While he talks to the guy, he reaches on top of a computer where the package was, maybe ten feet behind the desk I was waiting at. !!!!!!!!!!! ANY, CURSE WORD YOU WANT TO PUT HERE. I felt just a little relieve to know the package was there. It was all mangled on one side but it looked like the holy grail to me. But then I had to ask the painful question. พี่ครับ ผมต้องมีหนังสือเดินทางที่ได้รับอันนี้ไหม. "yes, you need your passport." he said. I told him to wait while I checked the streets. and that I had just lost it. He looked at me weird but I had no choice.

Now the area I needed to cover was over 10 square miles,(yea impossible I know) so I just thought I would retrace the initial streets I left looking for the package at the old house. I rode around, stopping at every moto-taxi group asking if they had seen it, and left my number with at least one of them in case they found it. I did that for like 45 minutes. Then I parked the motobike back at the post office and decided to comb the main rode the post office is on. I went on foot. Again I ask each moto-taxi group and left my number. I even asked the lady who sweeps the streets. She pointed me at the mini police station underneath the highway. I walked there and he told me to visit the main police station in the area which couldn't be reached on foot. I asked the police officers if they had seen it, and he went on to tell me what I needed to do in this, "this is what you need to do, because I am your dad" voice. And he asked me, "Don't you have a Thai girl friend with you?" Nope, I forgot mine at home. Depressed, hot, hungry, dehydrated, and completely hopeless I returned to my bike after an hour. I popped my head back into the post office, and the same stupid grin of the man who started this whole mess was there looking at me again. It was then that I really wanted to tell him off. He was an idiot for sending me out in the first place when the package was there all along, and now both my passport, and work permit was gone, I waisted my whole afternoon, all my gas was gone and I still couldn't get my package! I asked if I could get the package if I had a copy of my passport, and he said no. No, huh. What the heck is the difference? Your gonna tell me your gonna be professional about that, but your useless when it comes to actually doing your job?!?! I didn't say a word. I wanted to kick his teeth in.

I actually rode back looking for the police station, but had no clue how far it was. It was miles until some thai friends of mine phoned me asking me if I needed help. I still hadn't found the police station, but one of my friends thought it wasn't smart, because I had no ID with me, and now I had no passport, or work permit. Thai law requires foreigners to be able to show these things when asked or face fines, deportation or imprisonment. I decided not to go. It had been 4 hours since I left to start this whole thing. I am so tired, angry, depressed, and done with this place. I have the equivalent of 2 bucks in my pocket, no ID, no passport, no work permit, no way to pay my rent, money I owe the lawyers in getting my work permit, and any other money I need to file a police report, get to the embassy, get new passport, work permit etc. I am emptied out. I can crash my bike, throw my computer out the window, and set my apartment on fire to finish it all off.

I started off this morning replying to a question from a friend from back home in Philly. He asked "define what brother means in Christ, we use this word so loosely?"

I typed back "I think when the early brothers use it, it was a term of endearment and to the amount of love, dedication and sacrifice they had for one another. Remember when Jesus asked the question," who is my mother and who is my brothers?" He points at the disciples and says "whoever does the will of my father who is in heaven is My brother, and sister, and mother." I know people say it to sound Christian, but your right, we should think a little more about what it means or what it takes to be called brothers and sisters in Christ. That means sharing in goods, wealth, time, relationship, etc. and love most of all."

I have that here in Thailand, Philly, Cambodia, Kansas City, South Africa, Chicago, and many other places all over the world. I am not worried about how it will turn out. It does not change who Jesus is. I know people who are in love with Jesus and they will support me. Those are my brothers and sisters, not just because they will help me, but because we all share in the will of the Father. They got my back. Frustrated, yes. Weary, yes. Weak, yes. Confused, yes. Hopeless, speechless, penny less, yes, yes, yes. The perfect recipe for miracles, testimony, faith, trust, hope, and love, in our Jesus Christ.

"Fretting rises from our determination to have our own way. Our Lord never worried or got anxious, because his purpose was never to accomplish His own plans, but to fulfill God's plans. Fretting is wickedness for a child of God." - Oswald Chambers

Year in Review, a vulnerable post

I thought I would write a little about my thoughts on my first year in Thailand and experiences in Southeast Asia.

Now I could go any where with this. I could write about all the interesting things I have eaten in this part of the world so far. From snake curry to baby duck in an egg. I love the variety in Thai food. Thai food uses spicy, sweet, sour, salty, and flavors. Sometimes all in one dish. Street food has become very normal thing to eat since everyday Thai people, eat street food for the majority of their meals too. My favorite street food meal is probably rice noodles with, luuk chin(like meat balls), meat, with pigs blood. Before you think I am being gross I promise if you ate it and I didn't tell you what was in it, you would enjoy it. I also like other prepared rice noodle dishes as well. My times out living with families in the country side gave me full days of Thai meals. Which means you eat rice and egg at every meal. Plus your snacking all the time. Eating things like tamarind straight off the tree, or coconuts and bananas. Or if your up to it there are lots of bug like things to eat in your meals like; silk worms, baby shrimp, crickets, and geckos. Thai's love their vegetables too. They eat so many kinds of greens. One of the staple foods is papaya salad or som tom. And when you can eat this spicy with, lets say fermented fish, you are in! This was important to embrace this part of the culture since it is so much a part of life and people here. My stomach some days can't handle it, but my heart loves it, because I love Thai people. A way into Thai hearts is through your own stomach.

Of course I have seen very strange, well, not strange. Let's say different ways of doing things. I am not talking about just cultural differences, but also creative ways of doing things. Because I am so use to so many rules and laws in the States that when I see some thing like a car getting towed by some rope and tree limbs at first it's like you want to tell them how wrong it is, but after a while your like, "why not, there are no tow trucks here''. As far as I can tell anyone can set up a business anywhere. I have seen food carts open right outside of a seven eleven. People sell anything everywhere. I know where I can buy a sword, fruit, the first season of LOST, get my hair cut, and eat at a restaurant without taking more than 10 steps. Out in the country side the schools are so far for children to walk, but there are very few forms of public transportation. So here comes this little truck with like 12 people crowding the bed, and like 5 people of the roof. My last job in the states was working for a modular building company. When I see construction being done by untrained teens wearing flip-flops, no helmet, no gloves, or protective glasses using a jack hammer, I cringe. Traffic and the way people drive, by comparison to other developing countries, Thailand is pretty good. But seeing people drive the opposite way on a major street, or 5 people on one motor bike, or little to no traffic lights, still takes some getting use to. Precautions are great but a little too over the top in the states. Especially when you live overseas. But if there where all these rules it wouldn't work. All in all the way things work in this country works for me. Dangerous some times, yea depending on your point of view, but things get done here permit or not.

But what I really want to remember and share with everyone is that going after what God has called us to is hard, lonely at times, asks a lot of you, and is exactly as Jesus described it. Maybe your confused because we all know that, those of you who read this and believe in Christ as your savior. But this die by the day life, has become even more real to me. Please read the next couple of paragraphs with the understanding that I am being vulnerable of my real issues this past year and not just bashing people. I am always the first to be judged when I question others. I will now share some of my struggles in this past year:

Back home my family is going through changes. I have nieces and nephews now, but can't watch them grow up. They go out on family outings, eat Thanksgiving dinners, while I eat a can of tuna just me, myself and I. It hurts and it's hard. My closest friends celebrate weddings, babies, and birthdays. I hear about it, and look at pictures of them on facebook. I struggle some nights where I just sit alone in my apartment thinking of times of hanging out at Applebee's with friends, or playing in snow, or watching the Phillies game on t.v.. My last two years where full of traveling, but never settling anywhere until now. So it never settled in me that I would miss home. Now I do a lot. There I times which I think it would just be easier to be making disciples, helping the poor, loving my enemies back in Philly. I understand that culture. I speak the language. There are plenty of hurt people. But if it where suppose to be easy would it truly be giving up of something? What would I die to, if it was all nice and tidy?

And the spiritual warfare is alive. Spirits of perversion, greed, and power. People taking advantage of people because they are weaker or poorer. Teenagers piled into a room wearing miniskirts waiting to be purchased, homeless all over the streets and no aid, innocent children having their innocence stolen from them by men with sick pleasures, men transforming themselves into women because this world has tricked and hurt them, babies sleeping on the street with no playpen. But I am sure we have all seen these things, or experienced them. But most of you do not live there. Can you see their lives?

I almost forget sometimes that with all our great relief efforts, organizations and ideas, that none of that will change hearts in it's self. There is no NGO that has the power of GOD alone. Jesus needs to be there. Jesus needs to transform communities, build leaders, heal hearts, rescue lives. Good intentions do not saves lives from the gates of hell. I have become more cynical of would be do-gooders coming for just a peek of what life means here. Not willing to stay for the hard road ahead. There is a romantic, savior mentality with people coming here. You can't just kick a door down and save a child. Just because someone says a magical prayer in your week long mission trip, doesn't mean there lives are transformed. Are you sticking around to disciple and follow up? Did not Jesus ask us for our lives in serving him? If I am worth dying for is he not worth living for? You think it is suppose to be comfortable? The next struggle is yet the hardest.

I struggle with anger a lot here. When I see a young Thai girl or boy, hand and hand with a 50 plus year old western man, it burns me up. Or Thai women in the bars all over a customer thinking that "this white man is gonna solve all my problems", I really want to puke and punch someone. Because even this mentality is taught in some families. I can't stand the passiveness of a lot of the men here. How they take advantage of women and children. Yet they feel no conviction to take care of the needs of their families? They just drink and gamble money away. I can't walk into a brothel and just shoot the people running it. Or grab a guy by the hair and beat sense into him. It's not a movie, and Jesus would have something to say about that.

But along with the lows there have been great experiences. Things I never thought of being a part of. I have seen faces of children who were being sold by their parents to sex predators, now safe in an environment of love. I know people who sold them selves and now are sold out for Jesus Christ. And others who have never heard the gospel, whose faces light up when told and are filled with questions of, who is this Jesus? Communities untouched by the power of Jesus are now being transformed by a family who is standing for Christ in persecution. I have walked into really dark places. Places where only the devil and his workers would live. But I have come out safe only to share his love, good news, and to pray for people. And now as I continue to try to sew into the people here, I hope to see more miracles, more transformation, more hope, more sharing of his good news, more LOVE, more boldness to go, and never to look back. This new year I need to learn how to love sex tourist well, love ignorant rich people well, love those who oppress the weak well, love men in general without judgment well, love short term do-gooders well. So to not fight darkness with darkness, light can only light up a dark world.

Please forgive me brothers and sisters if I have offended anyone. But this is real for me. Everyone is accountable to God and not my opinion. I love all those who have been reading and following me, and even those who have not.


"Hate can not drive out hate, only love can do that..."
"Hate is just as injurious to the person who hates..."
"...love is the only force capable of turning an enemy into a friend..."
- Dr. Martin Luther King JR.

Where is the Thanks in Giving and giving thanks?

I am sitting here a day after thanks giving thinking about where was I a year ago and how did I spend my Thanksgiving.

Yesterday, I spent it alone not by choice of course, but I live in Thailand and it's not a holiday here. The only American family I know left for the holidays, so no invites. So I mostly worked out, watched t.v. and read. Then for my meal I bought a can of tuna and some bread, gave thanks and had my "feast". I ate two sandwiches, and thought about leaving the rest for tomorrow. But I thought to my self that I would normally over eat at home, and gave my self permission to eat it. Given my recent financial squeeze and the circumstance, it was one of the best tuna sandwiches I ever had.

I looked into my Journal entry of last year Thanksgiving and was curious as to what I had written down to be thankful for. 11-24-08 Being alive. Being loved. Having clothes. Having food. Having a bed to sleep in. Call it being simple, or spiritual but I truly am thankful of those things. A little context behind my life up until that journal entry. August of last year I was homeless. Not in the normal way. My friend Mike and I decided to go along the Midwest sharing the vision of the ministry we were hoping to start. No car and no money. Hitch hiking a third of the trip, we would travel over 3,000 miles, visit 10 states, speak in over 10 churches, spend 37 days on the road and spend zero dollars on the whole trip. The thing I remember the most was the feeling of being homeless. The cops harassed us, people were afraid of us, people cursed us, looked at us with hate, even the church didn't help us out! All I kept thinking was about how a homeless person must feel having to deal with this. I left with more of appreciation for things things I have and better understanding of why people go to extremes to survive.

The most stressing thing on the lower class Thais is money problems. Sounds familiar. I didn't grow up with it all, but lower class American is not the same as lower class Thai. I understand a lot of their situations. I can identify with the hurt, and the things people do to get out or forget about life. This little money problem I have now is small compared with what a single mother here has to deal with. Sure I have to ration a loaf of bread, tuna and stressing about how I am gonna get a can of oatmeal to last till the end of the month but what if I had a child or two? What if your boyfriend was only good for sleeping around and beating on you? There is no ware fair check, or wic here. Jobs are scarce. the common job places you in a factory working 12 hour shifts for less than 10 dollars for the day. The poor get little to no help. And if there is it's not being advertised.

My question to my self is, Am I thankful in giving, or am I just thankful for what I get? Thanksgiving places me in worship of God in remembering what he has done for me. But I am further challenged to give with equal passion. I am a fan of James 1:27, Matthew 5:23, Proverbs 14:31, Isaiah 1:17, and my other verses that point to the fact that God has a heart for those who seem to have nothing. I am selfish in my everyday life out side of God. Have you ever heard anyone say, "I am so thankful to give." I want to give, and take the time to understand those who have nothing, and do the most hateful things to each other just to survive. AM I above them? I say no, because being a village girl, with no education, haven been raped, abused, left as someones piece of property, with two children is not reality for most of us. An inner city youth gun tucked in his jeans selling nicks and dimes on the corner, whose mom is a crack head, dad is locked up leaving him with baby sis to take care of with no hesitation to kill if someone tries to take his spot, because we don't wake up in his shoes. We don't and won't understand the lowest of lows until we put on the heart of God, and see things with Jesus' eyes and understand where they are coming from. I would rather offer life to these people than to judge it.

I believe God is thankful to give to his children. I want the Lord's heart in this action. I think to be truly thankful is to give like Jesus. Interesting something Jim Larson pointed out in one of his recent blogs. If you look at James 1:27 the part that says, "to visit orphans and widows in their distress, {and} to keep oneself unstained by the world." The word "And" is not found in the NASB, KJV, NKJV, DBY. That changes the verse a little bit don't it?

The truth offends because it's the truth.

Copy cat

Here is a something interesting to know about Thai culture, they love imitating. Not to say that they are not proud of their culture or people, but with all the influences around them, I guess they can't help them selves. There is a huge popularity of Korean entertainment here. Probably more influential then the west, as far as entertainment goes. They watch Korean movies, play Korean games, and they love, love, love Korean pop music, and superstars. Again I am speaking in general.

Everyone is coping someone or something. Not just in Thailand. One reason I hear why people can't follow Jesus is that they want to own their own life. It's hard to give it to something else. Which I would agree with, sorda."I want to do what I want to do, it's my life." Or ,"only God can judge me, so I am going to do me." That last one is a hood saying.

Irony? Most people who live their life for themselves are actually doing what everyone else is doing. Your not rebellious, you just doing what the majority does. Isn't a rebel's life is going against the grain, not following everyone? Yet, we all do it. At some point, or even now, what people think or say about ourselves, controls us. The "in" fashion becomes what we like. The "in" movies, or music, yup we buy the cd or dvd. I was one who didn't believe that these things controlled me. How about what people think about how a relationship works. Mostly from books and movies. It's all selfish. People use each other, or one gets abused. Or romantic fairy tales that go against the values of God. We need GOD!

There has always been that question in my mind about the religions of the world. Who do they follow? Who models what they believe in? Some of them have a model. But all of them died and their bones are worshiped. But only one died, came back to life and lived, and is still living. In fact he promised he would live inside of those who believed in him, to show us his ways. That is why we are not religious but have a living relationship.

Are Christians suppose copy someone? OH yea, that Jesus guy. The blueprint that Jesus left behind to further his kingdom, was to be a disciple, and disciple others. And all these great gifts would be passed on to us to show of his glory. Emphasis on the gift of the Holy spirit. I think God knew we would be in trouble if we had to figure it out on our own.

Recently I had a friend I made Bee, who worked at a local guesthouse, call me and ask how she could become a Christian lady monk. Weird pairing of words. But I don't know how long ago the seed was planted all I know is that God with out me even knowing, led me to water this seed. In number of conversations with me, she found out that, I did not do the things other foreigners did in Thailand. In fact I was here to help. That I love Thai people and want to help them receive life. That I wasn't here to help my self but to give my self up to people who have no clue who I am. I guess she saw Jesus in that. She came and visited the center recently with a friend to come and see how they can help out at the center. They don't know Jesus yet, but this is what Bee said of Christians, "I want to become one, because they help other people, and don't just think about themselves." That humbled me, because it's hard not to think about yourself. She is now going to help teach Art at the center, and God knows what else may happen. She has already been telling others about this new way of life, and she hasn't read the Bible yet!

I once heard someone say the you might be the only Bible someone ever reads. Man that is some pressure. But I have faith that God is sanctifying me everyday. I give it to him everyday. But let's keep it simple. If your gonna copy someone, start with the homeless guy that only did what the father told him. He took regular guys and turned them into world changers. I thank God in my case, that the bar isn't that high when Jesus covers my sins and gives me the Holy spirit.

1 Timothy 1:15
Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full attention: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst.

John 12:26
If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, he will my father honor.

Journal Entry July 31 part 1

I will share a personal entry of my devotional journal. I write of what God is bringing to me, and challenging me. I will post it in two parts. Reason is it will be long if I put it in one, and also both parts speak on different points. So this is the first part. There is a lot of Jim Elliot's journal in it. May it challenge and encourage your heart.

31 July
As I have been reading, ,'Shadow of the Almighty' I questioned myself in the up lifting feeling and urgency I get from Jim Elliot's words. It is not the words of the Lord but his. Yet anything we "create" he gets the glory. AMEN.
His Journal entry on October 24, 1949 is exactly the same idea I write about here. He writes about Brainerd's diary. Speaking about Brainerd's life he writes, "I have considered Hebrews 13:7 just now, regarding the remembrance of certain ones who spake the word of God, 'consider the outcome of their life, and imitate their life and imitate their faith.'
He goes on to list others of the faith that he read about, that challenged his walk. The next entry he writes about how similar are Brainerd's thoughts to his regarding 'true and false religion'. I am recorded in saying the same about Jim Elliot in an earlier entry.
Most of what I read in Christian litereature are biographys. I try not to get caught up in this fad of current books that want the reader to reshape the church or just tell you how it's doing it all wrong, in a back door, think like me, style. I am all for challenging, in fact I say we need it. But I will take a person's true life, and true self over someones attempt to sound relevant and different, anyday.
"I see the value of Christian biography tonight". Jim Elliot wrote that in the same entry. I agree with you Jim. "O lord, let me be granted grace to'imitate their faith'. This from the man who would write four days later on October 28th,"He is no fool who gives what he can not keep to gain what he can not lose". I pray that I can be a man like Elliot, that would be a stepping stone for generations to come.

Now my point is not that I worship Jim, but that as a fatherless generation, we have men that we can be spurred on by. And in the same point we also have amazing women. Even if they are gone. Paul even urged Timothy and others to follow him as he followed Christ.
So reading about Piper, Spurgeon, has got more than just facts about people.

The next entry is all personal things I speak of and think on.

Fruit in Eternity

"I trust that eternity will reveal fruit from the effort." - Jim Elliot

I will give you what God has being revealing to me, but first wanted to give you some updates on ministry here.

Things at the Well, have been going through some changes. Some changes in programs and some, in some of the women and men. There are five from the ministry up at a Bible training school. They are doing very well and some are really growing. There could be some future prophets or preachers in the group. Maybe not right away, but everything has it's processes.
As for the rest of the Women at the Well, there has been a lot of sickness going around. Fevers, and headaches are the worst of them. There has been two babies recently born from the women at the center. There are plenty of other ones also crawling around at the center. Jesus, we need some fathers!
Jim has been really challenging the men and women, to really grow and become leaders of their community. On our little Sunday gatherings, call it church, or what ever your liking, Jim has really been challenging and encouraging the women to step out in faith. To walk in the authority of Jesus in the things they do. Like telling others about Jesus, or reaching out to their families, and neighbors. To Love their neighbors has been a focus in these discussions and teachings also.

So that's a little snap shot of life at the Well. Mr. Larson has his own blog at www.servantworks.com/jim . So if you want to hear other stories or insights you can check it out. I don't know, I think he's kinda cool;)

Personally I have been encouraged, by some new friends I have made recently. I met Add and Juup just this past week. Thai young adults, who feel personally called out to make a change in what's going on around them. They see the pain and hurts, and lost lives. They know the issues plaguing the young people. A lot of the issues are similar to what I grew up watching. Unfaithful fathers, drug addictions, gangs, prostitution, lack of education, no families, poor values, etc. Straight up like the hood! I talked to Add for some time over lunch, as he told his story, my spirit just got lifted. His talked about some of his family members being drug dealers, and having to live in a church for part of his life just got me. Man, isn't this God not incredible? How was he spared? For some reason he took to going to church. He realized the power of God and his life had been changed from there on in. Gradually being blessed with a group of believers that loved him like family, and then moving on to University. I didn't get to speak to Juup much until this pass weekend, as I spent a night in their neighborhood, and got to worship with their house church group. It was bangin! (awesome) She has a happy, affectionate spirit. She too wants to do something about the Kingdom. God raises up soldiers to win, Amen. Do we really want to do something about the lost? I once read that "We don't believe something simply by saying we believe it, or even when we believe that we believe it. We believe something when we act as if it where true." - Dallas Willard

I feel like God has answered my cries for friendship. For brothers and sisters to build this Kingdom on earth with. To start really loving on the inner city, working class people. Add told me that he had never met a man that reached out to prostitutes, until he met Jim. I said,"Jesus hung out and loved on women like that in his ministry." He just thought for a bit and smiled. And nodded in agreement, and let out a "Yea".

If God could take me out of Kensington, North Philly, then anything is possible through his transforming power and love. It took time, but God is so faithful! I have always felt like the hood doesn't define me, but Christ does. But God chose to raise me up in a hurting broken place. I don't speak about it to pump me up, but I glorify the father in his amazing plans. I will always remember my times playing in the fire hydrant in the summer, because we didn't have a park to swim in. Or running in the house, because a shoot out just broke out. I never thought I would ever live to see 16 years of age, let alone leave the city. Can anything good come from Nazareth? I know it. It can come out of these streets, slums, suburbs, rich communities and hoods of Bangkok too. I will trust that eternity will show fruit, so no use in sitting here and waiting for eternity, I got work to do.

"What if you where dead in sins, and Christians over looked Y'all; This is why we leave the couch and leave the comforts of our house, to show a dying world a God they probably never read about!" - Lecrae Moore (Christian Rapper)

Another visit to Cambodia

As you cross the border from Thailand to Cambodia, you are immediately convinced that you are in another country. The roads are dusty, some local is trying to rip you off, and there are tons of beggar street kids. I have seen this scene before in other countries, but it's unusual because I live in the country right next to Cambodia, and it doesn't resemble Thailand at all in a lot of ways.

I visited my friends who are working hard to fight along side other ministries against the darkness of sexual exploitation. Especially against small children. In the tiny slum of Svay Pak is where the world's pedophiles come. My friends are working to love, and disciple these young victims. If anything could help these children from the hell they face, it has to be Jesus. I helped out with the children's programs for two days, and loved it. The children remembered me from the last time I was there. "Frankie" they yell with their little cute voices. Did some hip-hop dancing while I was there. Well, these kids can throw down! They do these break dance moves that leave your mouth hanging open. I had so much fun playing with them. I feel sad that I can't stay longer. But glad that my friends are committed to stay as I am committed to Thailand. As for the rest of the area around Phnom Penh, it's just as sad. As soon as the sun falls, the brothels, and bars open up for business. And late at night the prostitutes flood the city parks, and ladyboys come out also.

It is hope that gets most of us out of the cloud of darkness that fills some of these areas of injustice. There is hope for these Southeast Asian countries in which people of being taken advantage of, and satan is taking souls. Although there are plenty of organizations out to help, there is still the need for long term workers. Especially for the locals to rise up in the name of Jesus, and take their own children from this grip of death, and tragedy. I was reminded of this as I stood a night on the way to Phnom Penh, in Siem Reip. I was shopping for a sim card, when I noticed some people's eyes fixed on the sky. I looked and saw something I have never seen in my young life. Not one full and colorful rainbow, but two! Maybe we have forgotten the reason rainbows fill the air on a rainy day. It's God reminder that he will not flood the earth once more, no matter how wicked we are. But more than that it's the hope of glory, for all who see the colorful reminder. These three remain faith, hope and love.

Been reading a book written by the man who wrote,"Terrify No More", Gary A. Haugen. A book that is well known in the fight for the victims of sex trafficking, It documents a bust done in Svay pak. That's right the same place I just told you about. Well, he wrote another book called,"Just Courage". I love it when people challenge me. I am not done with the book, but one thing is clear, God is all about JUSTICE! But the sad fact is to do the real hard, dangerous work, it takes some courage. Courage our soft little Christian world, wants little to do with. We have fear. There is one plan to reach these hard areas of the world where spreading the gospel into hostile countries, or rescuing a child out of a brothel, or coming face to face with war zones, can mean harm, persecution, and sacrifice beyond our comfort. The plan is us. Not just us of course. God ultimately holds the cards. Jesus did his thing, dieing for the sins of the world, resurrecting, and sending his Holy Spirit. But who's job is it to physically do the rescuing? We are the hands and feet.

There is tons of scripture pointing to the responsibility of God's children to up hold justice, and mercy. A few Isaiah 1:17, Isaiah 61:1, Proverbs 14:31, Proverbs 18:5, Micah 6:8, Matthew 23:23. But none of it can be fully understood, without our minds and hearts being like God's. What I mean by saying that, is that the source, of all these acts of courageousness, justice and mercy, is his love in being in relationship with him. So don't get me wrong, working against these things are what I am all about. But, to do things just for the cause erases Jesus from the picture. I have seen people with my own eyes, get hammered just by the emotional toll working in this world of sexual exploitation, and they haven't had time to face the spiritual warfare aspect of it! One of my favorite writers, Oswald Chambers of course, says it like this,"Jesus Christ calls service to be what we are to him, not what we do for him".

Let's keep fighting my brothers and sisters. I am not into hiding my light under fear. Fear is just a word.