Soldier for Christ

I Got Your Inspiration Right Here!

2011-11-01T20:32:00.000-07:00

Since I stepped on the international mission field back in 07', I noticed a growing practice among my peers. In its self it is not bad or harmful to the individual believer. Though the need for fresher prospective is needed from time to time, it can not replace our mission which it's self is more than sufficient as our inspiration. I am talking about the gospel. The mystery that is ours as believers to reveal to the world and teach to its recipients. (Matt.28:19; Col.1:25-27)The practice that I am referring to is the need to read the newest inspirational, radical, loving, captivating, selfless christian book to become filled to do what Jesus commanded. I know they all mean well and their hearts are to point people to God but the early church had a big problem with people trusting in more the philosophy of others over the gospel. There I said it.

I must always address those who don't know me very well who are reading this. No, I am not the guy who hates the church. It's to the contrary. I love the church and its heart that beats for Jesus. I only try in every way to keep a Christ-centered prospective on things. With the spreading of the gospel and its responsibilities that follow, as our duty to God through love. No, I do not despise education. I love to learn. I read about History for fun. I'm in Bible school right now and hoping to earn a TESL certification someday. Again I am not anti- anything dealing with christian literature, I just try to defend the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Who doesn't have their favorite Christian authors? Chambers, Piper, Lewis, Eldredge are some of my personal favorites. But I have always been weary of those believers who float around an idea trying to bring themselves to a place were they can get excited again about their meaningless, boring, directionless lives in Jesus. Isn't the Word of God, Love of God and it's message to the world enough? How about the function of and our relationship with the Holy Spirit? This past Saturday I had the privilege to share the gospel to a family member at our local Chick-fil-a. In reviewing to him the basic truths about our salvation, justification, regeneration, sanctification,(any other -tion you want to add) through believing in the gospel message I was reminded of how amazing is our life as believers in Jesus Christ.

Look at some of the scriptures about the gospel. Romans 3:23, "all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God" and as a result the "wages of sin is death"(Rom. 6:23a) We are not even suppose to be holding any hope but "the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord"(Rom.6:23b) Eternal life given to us who have no business in eternity, for free. Romans 5:8 should cause your heart to over flow because it says, "But God demonstrates His own Love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." God shows His Love for us by physically getting involved with the process of coming down to earth to die for a people he created, who killed him, and deny Him as creator and savior. If any person genuinely receives this to be true and puts their faith in and believes that Jesus died for our sins and resurrected then we are saved.(Rom.10:9-13) Romans 5:1, "There, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God, through our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 8:1, "there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." I now can have a peaceful relationship with a Holy God whose wrath would still be on me had it not been for the spilling of Christ's blood.(Hebrews 9:22) There is nothing that can separate me from that Love. (Romans 8:38-39)

This truly moves me to live my life for Him. I don't need anything else. This is all made possible because of the Father's love, Jesus' sacrifice and resurrection and the Holy Spirit's presence in me.

So here are my questions; Is the gospel not enough? Is the Bible not current enough? Does the Holy Spirit not have a place? Are you afraid to share the gospel?

I was inspired this a morning when I read the Apostle Paul's letter in 2Thessalonians 2:13-17,"But we are bound to give thanks to God always for you, brethren beloved by the Lord, because God from the beginning chose you for salvation through sanctification by the Spirit and belief in the truth, to which He called you by our gospel, for the obtaining for the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ..."

Three Educations

2011-06-25T15:44:00.000-07:00

If your new to the chapters of my life you have to understand that it was not all given to me from the beginning. It's not about poverty in the financial sense but more in the area of opportunity. I also am not one to cry about my circumstance or blame my environment for what happens in my life. The concrete jungle has it's lions prowling. In order to know how to handle life there you must enroll into the school of survival. The world will tell you it's own system through education. A systematic, full proof way of life, right? And then there is the Kingdom of God.

Everything I will say is my opinion and not fact for all. I could never fully explain the difficulty of a childhood in any ghetto, but one thing is sure, that the hood will educate you. In a broken home there is a large portion of your childhood in which you are encouraged to work it out your selves. A right of passage into what your parents had to do them selves, to live in the ghetto. No one taught them, so why would they feel they have to teach you. I am not talking just about driving a car. I am talking about all the aspects of life and with the added difficulty of living in an environment where people are mostly mad and feel like everyone owes them something. You become your own professor. The streets are your classroom. The "code of the streets", and people are the text books. Someone hits you, you hit them back. Easy. What if I don't want to hit them back. But you want everyone to think your a punk? You can't do that. Once you allow one person to dominate you the others around will see. When the world you know is all about seeming or being HARD, you can not survive by becoming soft. So soon your language follows. The way you walk and carry your self. This is not judgement, it's understanding. We work for what we get. But trust me it would take me until my young adult years to finally realize the many advantages and blessings that there are to growing up in such an environment.

I also enjoyed learning in school. I was a really good student. Being good in school, is not cool in the hood. I excelled in Science and Math like most boys. But I had a love for History as well. I loved learning where things came from and where they began. I was an honor roll student right through to high school. Not normal for all kids in my neighborhood. Was I smarter? No. I realized the importance of an education and it was free. I had a knack for obtaining information and being able to apply it to life, even at a young age. I really believe the grace and gifting God gave me where the most important thing to my success in education, but it was also the attitude I carried with me from growing up in the hood. No one was going to do it for me. I didn't realized how blessed we are in America for having a decent education for free, until I visited poorly educated countries. And they have to pay for it to.

My life had a grace. As I grew up learning from the school of hardknocks, and the school system, I also began to believe in the Kingdom school of teaching. Three ways of learning. As I walked in Christ shoes, I saw the contradictions in the way I was raised, to the way the school taught, and finally to what God teaches. The hood taught that I had to look out for me and I am due certain things because I am master of my life. But no one owes me a thing, but it's I that owe my life to God out of love. So I became a servant. The schools taught me that man created everything and we evolved from chance. That we are limited by rules and theories. God showed me that He wonderfully and purposefully made me. God made the laws of the earth and even spoke it into existence. I became a student of God.

Now as I am again blessed, this time with the opportunity to gain a college education, I realize the importance of learning. But there are important attitudes to carry, like perseverance, gratefulness, toughness and I would thank the hood for that. It takes hard work, discipline, and integrity to learn anything. I would thank my Education for that. I am taking Bible at Liberty University starting next week. To be able to use my hood smarts, in an education setting to learn about God is incredible. I am thankful again to God for giving me a heart to learn, live and love. But how many people can say they learned from growing up in the ghetto? There is no money that can buy that education.

I keep it real, MAN

2011-05-09T15:51:00.000-07:00

Originally this was going to be long and personal, but God just spoke to me and said, "not all of your story is for everyone to know." I will respect this word.

What I do want to share is this incredible obvious but lost or ignored way to bring people into God's heart. That is to be "real." Where I am from, to be real is to be vulnerable, not just truthful. Real recognizes real. As I turned this post personal, I will tell you that this is what I have been missing in my relationships with men and in turn with women. I say that because God has been healing me of incredible spirits of shame, brokenness of heart, and restoring my view of God as Father.Through authentic relationships with brothers and sisters. Most of my adult Christian life has been ruled by Christian do's and don'ts. Some of us are aware that rules do not bring life or freedom. But because we are far from being real with one another maybe because of insecurity, sin in our own lives, shame, or fear of men; we have lead each other into fear based relations. Fear isn't in the formula for love. Yet this is the seed we are planted from when we are young Sunday school students.

Do not read on if your scared of real heart or experiences.

In my mind what I did equaled God's value of me and how much he loved me. That was communicated to me through relationships I had with other Christians. For example, if a man stood in front of your normal bible believing church and declared he had a sex addiction, even people struggling with said addiction would look at him like some lost soul who was never saved. But will anyone ever comfort him and walk him through it? You would like to think so. We acknowledge the sin and don't consider the heart. What if the guy would go on to say, he was molested as a child, and grew up with out a father and so was confused. But when fear is sowed in shame keeps these things in. Not a chance to share that. People just don't care how you got there. They care that you sinned. Our church in general is too scared to handle these problems. There is no place to be real. Unhealed people are too insecure in their imperfect walks. I know because I was one. Too busy running programs, and not running after God's heart to heal hearts. We can tell you how to run a church but not show you how to be a church. The other half of Jesus' model was that he walked through life with people.

Let me get personal.

My struggle in trying to find what a man of God is, was made a lot more difficult because there were no honest vulnerable men showing me how. I saw perfection and rules. Surface level functions without loving relationships. It took me, 24 years to finally meet a man who considered my heart and what kind of a man God wanted me to be instead what he didn't want me to do. If those you look up to and disciple you are vulnerable and honest and show them selves as people struggling, and unsure at times, wouldn't that freedom cause you to open up. Because that kind of freedom lives in healed people. And a healed person can do amazing things in God's kingdom. This truly didn't happen to me until I met REAL men.

I recently attended a Men's retreat. I was skeptical. I knew only three guys there. I had been to retreats like this before. Maybe some cute little sermons would be preached and a guy would cry. Nope. Just honest testimonies, 11 hours of silence with the lord, and some man time. It started with the vulnerability of the leadership. But also knowing the men leading it, it allowed me to trust the process. And knowing that the men also cared and loved the other men in the room deeply, created a safe atmosphere for freedom. We were in the presence of healed, vulnerable, confident, unafraid men of God. I can't share details because of confidence to the other men who where there but the Holy Spirit healed hearts, broke chains of addiction, shame was lost, sins were confessed, and freedom was real to us. Did it mean these guys would never mess up? Probably not. What it did mean is now we had a small army of men who would fight with us. That wouldn't judge but would encourage. There is a difference when a man looks you in the eye and says you can.

In just a little time, some of the most dramatic healing in my life has occurred. No special speaker, or step program. Pure real honest relationships. But to be honest I had to allow God to do this. I had been running from my self. I had been subconsciously trained to never show my faults because it would mean I wasn't God's. Even sins that had been committed against me. My Christianity was defined on how much I could keep inside. God wants it all. Thank goodness for that.

Yo, It's good to be Home

2011-04-06T10:48:00.000-07:00

Home is where the heart is. My heart was longing to be with family and friends. But especially to reconnect with God. That is where my heart lies. It wants to be with the father in old and new ways.

So being in Philly for the first month and a half since coming back from Thailand was good for my soul. I didn't do a whole lot per say. I just was. I talked baseball with my brothers. I wrestled my nephew and threw him up in the air. I watched Dora the Explorer with one of my nieces, and tickled and chased the other. I ate my mom's cooking and watched boxing with my step-father. I blew out birthday candles and got caked in the face(a family tradition). I visited my dad. I helped out my sisters and sister-in-law when I could, tried to love on my sisters, who all are expecting, the best I could. I ate cheese-steaks with friends. Watched basketball with old mentors. I went on a rode trip with my brother. We visited the Baseball Hall of Fame, the Basketball HOF, and visited Boston. I went to a Flyers game, and Sixers game with my brothers. I did things which I missed the most.

And while I missed them the most, I missed being Philly just because. The culture, the food, and the attitude. Jew eva eat a wadder ice? Did you ever eat a water-ice? Probably not. But if your ever in town ask someone to point you to a Rita's. Oh yea, we got soft pretzels, Tasty cakes, hoagies, crab fries and cheese-steaks of course. To many things to eat so take my word for it. You won't be going to far to hear about our favorite sport teams. If their losing or winning you will here about it some where. You see team gear on every other person. Philly has a bad rap for being horrible fans. That's far from it. We have the best fans. We're just horrible to everyone else and any other team, especially any from NY. The history, the sites, it all was good to see. I visited Will Penn, in City Hall. Walked to the Art museum and ran up the steps. And of course I said hi to Rocky, but at the bottom of the steps. It was good to be a tourist to my own city for day. It's the "City that loves you back", at least that's what they say.

And now I am in Kansas City, MO. Looking forward to getting readjusted to life in America for a while. I'm looking for a part time job. In hopes that the Lord blesses me with a car. I will be wanting to enroll in online bible school, and get my certification in Teaching English. All that will come but I need to reflect on my life the past couple of years. To learn from my mistakes. To take joy in the victories. To let God speak to my heart. I'm in no rush but Thailand is still in my heart. I missed the people I know in Cambodia too. But for now I'll enjoy what God wants to do. I've gone fishing, rock climbing, and may be go camping soon. Doing things that my heart desires. I will be seeking God for vision to guide me in the next part in my life. The overall message of my time in the states so far is that I am, God's beloved son, and he is glad to have me home for a while.

Getting out of the Front Lines, to Come Back for More!

2011-01-20T06:49:00.000-08:00

Psalms 144:1 Blessed is the Lord, my Rock, who Trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle.

Richard Winters: That night, I thanked God for seeing me through that day of days and prayed I would make it through D plus 1. I also promised that if some way I could get home again, I would find a nice peaceful town and spend the rest of my life in peace. - Band of Brothers

In my time in Cambodia with HPC(Hard Places Community) and Pastor Rob and his family, came a critical, humbling, and hard reality. I am burned out. I can not serve healthy at this point anymore. Worn out from battling against evil spirits. Because against flesh and blood is not the kind of battling I have been in. Against temptation, anger, loneliness, pride, selfishness, depression, hopelessness, and emptiness. I must have watched 15 war movies in my time in Cambodia. (Don't worry I read five whole books as well.) Their was something inside that was hungry for that imagery. I mostly watched the highly acclaimed World War II miniseries, Band of Brothers. It is based on the book, which are true accounts of the 101st Airborne Division of the United States Army.(" The division suffered 1,766 Killed In Action; 6,388 Wounded In Action; and 324 Died of Wounds during World War II." - Wikipedia)
Those men have my respect for the rest of my life. Most men who survived after D-Day and beyond never wanted to leave their brothers in battle. Even when they were injured and shot, they would rush back into battle. Why I mentioned this is because I feel I've battled long enough and need to heal my wounds, be retrained, re-energized, to be deployed back out fit for war. So by the end of the next month I am hoping to reach the States for a few months of "peace." I will be going through some training, processing, planing, education, support raising, and just being with people I love.

2nd Lt. George Rice: Looks like you guys are going to be surrounded.
Richard Winters: We're paratroopers, Lieutenant. We're supposed to be surrounded.

If your a pacifist your probably not enjoying all the war metaphors. But I am only lifting up my JEHOVAH-NISSI, my banner in battle so that JEHOVAH-SABAOTH who is leading his Army, is glorified. But honestly looking at our lives in Christ, pictured in a war setting helps me to focus on the gospel and our role as the church. If you were out in battle knowing someone is out to kill you would you lose focus? Maybe if your scared. Armies are disciplined well run units on a mission. They have counted the cost. You have probably heard a sermon or two using this imagery. I have heard it more used with men. Is there a reason? Of course, we are at war. God is war like. Please don't stone me yet. Part of his character is war like. The last battle is not gonna be a tickle contest. One of his names is, the Lord of Armies! God will one day destroy his enemies, and so for the time being we are in the battles that are leading up to the final one, to end all wars. It helps to keep me sharp. But over the last 6 months my guard has been down. I have slipped in some areas. I began lashing out on the same people I came to love on. It's like I have been stuck alone in a bunker out of ammo, fighting a rushing enemy from all sides. I have been hit and I can only lick up my wounds for so long. I thought in my pridefulness, that if I can tough it out I would survive and be great for God. How can I do that if I am not even listening to God or loving God? I need my squad. I need to be pulled out no matter how much I think I can take.

Richard Winters: How'd it go? The drop?
Cpt. Nixon: We took a direct hit over the drop zone. I got out, two others got out.
Richard Winters: And the rest of the boys?
Cpt. Nixon: Oh, they blew up in Germany somewhere... Boom.

So coming to my second year serving in Thailand I had been running into, culture shock, stress, feelings of depression, and having no guidance. I have people here. Good friends who love Jesus. But it's like when the Troopers landed on D-Day, a lot of soldiers were dropped in the wrong drop zone. Some got completely lost. Some died on the way down under heavy fire. This is the way I have felt. Alone with no squad of my own. I wanted to find my commanding officer. But I was stuck. Many times looking for someone who understood me and could give me some encouragement. Being the crazy soldier for Christ I am I trusted in the Lord of Lords to guide me. God has been more than good. He has carried me through. I have learned another language. He has allowed me to tell others of his name. I have never gone hungry and always a place to sleep. Things have been real rough at times, but I didn't sign up for Disney Land!

Ronald Speirs: We're all scared. You hid in that ditch because you think there's still hope. But Blithe, the only hope you have is to accept the fact that you're already dead. And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function. Without mercy. Without compassion. Without remorse. All war depends upon it.

When we take risk things will happen. I have always thought that one does not know they are in a battle unless they step up to the line. That's when the enemy sees you. It's like the light on a lamp post deal Jesus talks about. They fire at you because of a threat to what they are trying to accomplish. You have declared your self in battle. Now some of us might not like to fire back. That's ok. I try to, respect true pacifist. Maybe your the medic on hand. Maybe your the communications man ready to call in the heavy guns.
The difference is that some choose to do that from the safety of their homes, or their church building. Now that I can not agree with. John Piper says it nicely,"If we walk away from risk to keep ourselves safe and solvent, we will waste our lives." In my view it's the equivalent to those barking CO's ready to chew down a lower ranking soldier to some how justify his rank, but never having ever been to battle himself. I didn't plan on being out here alone. I took the risk. God called me out. I forgot what life could've been in America. That life was dead. I was dead. Excuses are for civilians. Pain is just weakness leaving the body. Fear is just a word.

Richard Winters: These men have been through the toughest training the Army has to offer, under the worst possible circumstances, and they volunteered for it.
Richard Winters: You know why they volunteered? Because they knew that the man in the foxhole next to them would be the best, not some draftee who's going to get them killed.

God knows the plans he has set before me. And so I trust in this next phase of my life. Still I have the desire to come back and share God's gospel with his love. But I want to and need to be at my best. Emotionally healthy, physically fit, spiritually sharp and Lord, willing healed and spirit filled. I respect real men who have died for just causes on the front lines. It takes heart to go, courage to stand, and strength to get up.

Mike Ranney: "Grandpa, were you a hero in the war?" Grandpa said, "No... but I served in a company of heroes".

"The military is the Maginot line in the battle of the sexes, the final remaining bastion of institutionalized masculinity and the last place left in the civilized world where characteristically male traits - aggression, risk taking, courage, and strength - are respected and valued." - Kathleen Parker, from her book "Save the Males"

2Ti 2:3

Suffer hardship with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.

What do you expect?

2010-11-10T05:57:00.000-08:00

I don't know where this might hit some of you. I guess it's like any of my rants in that I just like to ask the questions. Sometimes I have my own answers but this is not particularly for me. It's for those who have been giving faithfully to those who are called "missionaries." I personally I am thankful for those who believe in a great God that can take an imperfect hood kid and turn him loose on the world. Anyway I have always had to battle with living life basically on the donations of people. I did not grow up that way. I appreciate things that come my way. I believe in working hard for the things I get. I did not have a silver spoon in my mouth or could I afford to buy one. So trying to hang on the past four years of my life where I have lived off less than half of what I made in a year in the states is hard, to say the least. But my main point or question is, what is expected of me being a supported worker of God? Now I think people need to be held accountable for sure. By whose standards? Should every penny be scrutinized? Is there room for people to spend on cup of Starbucks coffee, or go out to watch a movie? Do supporters have the right to dig in to my life? Should I pressure my self to perform?

I don't know I have never supported a "missionary" before. I have personally felt and some I have witnessed, that churches or in some cases, individuals, or even missionaries have put pressure on missionaries because they support them financially. Again this goes without saying that there may have been reasons for some of these pressures missionary boards, churches, or individuals have put on people, who serve God out side of their country. But they are pressures. Are they valid? This does not speak of all people.

Counting how many I saved.
This is one of the first revolutionary ideas in my life as a Christian. My worth with God does not depend on how many people I got saved. Because none of us can save someone. I thought I read and believed in only one man who could do that. I can't count how many short mission trips I have been on, or heard groups who come back from one and share how many people they saved. How could you tell? They raised their hand in a tent, they said a magical prayer, they walked up to the preacher at the end of the sermon, they came to church next Sunday, someone laid hands on them, some of them fell when they laid hands on them,etc. I did every method I think several times before I was convinced. Without getting to much into it, we are all in a journey that is going somewhere with God. Everyone will be surprised about who will end up in Heaven or not. We can be accountable to the calling of God in our lives and our interactions with others. And the rest God handles. This one is not fair to expect someone to answer. And if you do, how many did you get saved then?

All the good things you do, smile.
Sadly I was once guilty of these things too. You know the great photo of the missionary holding the AIDS baby. A shot of the servant helping pass out food during a natural disaster. The saint aiding the homeless. God's heart is in it. They are good, and with the right attitude God gets the glory. But these are things you can capture on film to exalt God or exalt yourself. I personally work in an environment where the people are already exploited. So you won't be seeing a lot of photos from me with the people I love here in Thailand. I remember in one of my trips to Swaziland, an AIDS affected country. This country already being over populated with well to do people, had even more people taking exploiting shots of helpless children for there well to do campaign. This one day having been in a particular village for months these foreigners came in, for 15 minutes took their shots, even one with a kid holding a sign that said "Please help", then drove away. My good friend, who was a native, turned to me and sternly said,"this is not a zoo." Exactly. How would you feel if people ran around taking shots of you in your most helpless moment? Or even more invading, if someone took pictures of you in your sin? Like some who have come here go on outreach to a bar and say to the women, "I know your are selling your bodies" or, "I am a missionary". And now let me take a picture with you so that people can see that I talked to a prostitute. Now pictures are, a very good way for supporters to see what, or who you are talking about. They are great for raising funds and awareness. I just don't think it's fair to demand it in every situation. You never know what type of work a person is in and taking their word is enough. I know we want to share stories, but what begins to happen is that you start to feel protective of people you minister to and don't want to share their life to millions of strangers. Besides, there are many things you can not capture with a photo. Like the building of a relationship in Christ.

Are you teaching them the right way to becoming Christian?
I think this one takes a lot of understanding from a western prospective. Again I was once ignorant of other cultures, and how God has created them uniquely to worship him. I once had communion with watermelon and soda once in a rural village. Did they miss out on what communion is? Maybe missed out on what the bread symbolizes to the Jews maybe, but the point is this is what was available, but their heart was to remember Christ. So take that situation and try to imagine the many Christian rituals, traditions, and what not, that we hold dear and try to replicate them in a situation like lets say, a third world, war torn country, where your dead if someone smells a Christian. I was always told that baptism was a public display of following Jesus. A heard a story from a seasoned church planter in South America, who after leading a young man to Christ, had him publicly display his faith. He was the only believer. He then got alienated by the village. Then one day they grabbed him and killed him. Not different from other stories of faith and persecution. This was not a hostile to Christian area. It was a ignorant read of culture. But the church plater learned a lesson. If I had him baptized inside he may have still been alive planting churches today. There are many things that will not go line by line by our western church rule book. You begin to realize how much we have added and don't necessarily need, in a reproducible church. This may be way over some of your heads. Maybe you think I am blaspheming. I was once asked If I planted a church who was going to pastor it? Because I wouldn't be qualified from a American seminary, or neither would any of the villagers, so I guess God is not allowed to have a church there. People will always have things to say, but God does not come in a box and neither does his people. Church is mentioned three times in the gospel. An assembly or gathering in the Greek. Let's start there before we put the walls up, the stage, monitors, guitars, pulpit, collection plate, etc.

There are more I have seen made God's humble workers turn into stressed business people. What should I show you? What do you want to know? Can I take day off? I wonder what Jesus did? I start and begin everyday with God. Pray for me, support me anyway you can. I don't want to pressure you in the same way.

Much Love.

Men > Women or Men = Women

2010-09-11T22:14:00.001-07:00

This is more to encourage my brothers and sisters to live in community with in the kingdom of God rather to build a statement so that I can separate believers on an issue. We already have denominationalism, racism, socialism, ageism, sexism, and satan trying to kill and separate the body. I want to throw out some questions to stir up actions towards unity and not division.

This question came up during my weekly mens group. What is a man of God? I even started out by saying somethings about David. But quickly a paradigm shift would happen when a friend in the group ask the question."why wouldn't a women be able to do anything of those things he did?" Well, I guess she could?! A man described by God himself as a man after his heart. Yet there isn't anything particular that he did that a women couldn't have done with the power of God. Kill a giant with a sling. Lead an army. Become a ruler of people. We all know David messed up big time in his life time. But I don't remember people bringing that up when you here a sermon done on the greatest men in the bible. So there were times when he was very weak. In Hebrews 11 he is also listed in the Hall of Faith. Women have faith. David was courageous, strong, poetic, a leader, creative, musical, a warrior and a friend of God. All things women can be and are. So that begged the question what is it exactly that makes a Godly man. Maybe it's more fair to say that we are people who are Godly, but I happen to be a man. So that makes me a Godly man. And not that there are specific things pigeon holed into it. There are things that separate me as a man, but in the kingdom we are equal. I want to look at it from a female prospective.

That is just a process of thought. Now biblically is where is gets hostile.

1 Corinthians 11:3 says,"But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of everyman, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ."

The argument here is that the head in the Greek means something other than being in authority over. Some text and even my study Bible claims that the word means " the source of". Although there isn't really proof in any ancient writing that this is true. Where did it come from? And every time "head" is used in that context it means,"one in authority over". But what does that even mean in the context Paul is writing? Is he pointing to a system we should use in order to remain in harmony to understand submission, or a reason for one sex to rule over another?

Have most even factor in the attitude towards woman at that time? They weren't even allowed to publicly read, learn, much less voice an opinion in most societies. Some men would pray that they weren't women. It wasn't the fairest situation for women. How could they be anything else but submissive? Isn't it not the reason Jesus' interactions with women were so profound? This is something to understand when reading scripture that involves specific instructions to males and females.

1 Corinthians 14:34, Paul asked the women to be silent in the church. There must have been a reason. Again this is the same letter he is writing to Corinth. A specific letter to their situation. The women in Corinth must have really been causing trouble, so he feels the need to admonish them. But they had all kinds of trouble in Corinth. Again he is trying to help them answer their questions for their specific problems. Not that todays church couldn't learn something from his letter to them or that we don't run into the same issues.

Point being that we often take a letter that Paul wrote to a situation and make it theology. As someone once said, "we take our theology more from Paul's letters than from the life of Jesus." I agree. Suppose you were a baking company. If you wrote me a letter asking me how to bake a better cake because people have been complaining that it's not good, and I write you back telling you what mistakes you have made and what could make your cake more delicious. Do I take that same letter and show it to the pizza shop across the street and tell them how to make better pizza pies? No. Both want to feed, and both want to please, and both want to succeed, but they will obviously run differently. I hope you are not reading this with a closed mind. Not saying what Paul teaches is ungodly or wrong, or not of God. It's that we are error prone people. Misinterpretation or whatever, we can either look through things with the lens of Christ or our own. We humans have a crazy track record of taking any excuse to impose power over people.

Women were a part of God's plan. From Eve to Esther, to Mary. They were there when Jesus was born in the flesh. When the spirit came in Acts. They were persecuted. They were leaders, teachers, and prophets in the early church. Were they not apostles, and evangelist as well? And pastors... They can't be because, eh, huh? Oh yea, because Timothy says so right? Well he does say they must be men of...Where they not in the Jewish culture that didn't let the women do anything? Of course he is going to be talking to men. There is nothing that says a pastor needs to be a man. Women can die for the faith, but they can't have pastor next to their name? Aren't most of our mothers pastoral by nature? What if God choose a people who were in a Matriarchy? Just saying.

These are questions I asked because there is enough things I have followed because someone told me so. As I dig into the word, the character of God, Jesus' life, it breaks down more walls, stereotypes, traditions and judgments that I have blindly followed even in the church. Many of them started out with good intentions, but have turned into reasons for us to fight or over power. As I enter the kingdom mind it takes me out of the politics of the church building and lets me see freedom in his love and ways.

Men are generally stronger, faster, hairier, have a male productive organ etc. These are things that make me a man. What makes a women a women are fact as well. But in the kingdom of God it seems that he has made us equal. The world has a system that the kingdom does not follow. One of those horrible world systems is that men are greater than women or far greater in some societies. I personally believe God wanted to show us that in order for things to work in his kingdom there needs to be healthy submission. Like Jesus showed us towards the Father. I think he has chosen men to do that as well. But to use that argument to tell women who were made in God's image, beauty, authority, that they can't be as important to the body of Christ as men are made out to be, is not a good use of that submission.

Fret? Who's fretting?

2010-07-05T08:34:00.001-07:00

TODAY JUST KILLED IT ALL!!!

You know the month before was really rough for me. I sent a whole email about it. Well this month has not been better. And today it got worse. This officially is the bottom for me,(until it gets worse). So this month is worse than the month before, already.

My mom lovingly sent a very very very important package to the wrong address but didn't tell me that she did until last week. So the package had been sitting at the post office for two weeks. It contains cash gift cards, my third Visa check card I have had to send for, and other cool stuff like beef jerky, pictures of my nieces and nephews, and fluff. So I finally tracked it down and went to go get it today.

It was not close, but after driving my moto all the way to the post office some 20 minutes, the man that would help start a chain of events that would ruin my month was waiting there with his stupid grin. I had called this afternoon before I had driven over to ask them specifically if my package was there. They said yes, just bring your passport and you can pick it up. I came with my passport, and Work permit in a case together to pick it up. The fool of a man who was suppose to help me could not find the package, and instead of asking someone else he claims that it should be with the person who signed for it at my old house 2 weeks ago.(what the H-E- double hockey sticks is he thinking) I told them how could that be, when I had called this morning and someone said it was here. So he invites me in and now there are two more useless guys talking it over with me about where the package could be. Again I tell them that the package was said to be here. They don't listen and are convinced that it is with the person who signed for the package. Already angry that they could be so incompetent, I tried not to tell them all off and tell them how stupid they could be for letting someone else take my package that has been sent half way across the world so easily, and then not have a clue as to where is it, I shook my head gritted my teeth and took off for the old house I used to live in. Which was not close by either. Another 15 minute ride on a moto-bike later I finally reached the house and started collecting my things and get ready to investigate as to where this package could be. That is when it all got worse. I noticed that my other documents are in my moto carrying basket except, my passport, and work permit case!!! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! That's what I said. The basket had broken off of it's weld, leaving the back of it unconnected. The work permit that I had so long waited, prayed, and waited, and waited for was lost, along with the other final piece of document that said who I was and the thing that allows me to be here. Gone. All the money, time and energy, gone. I took some deep breaths, remembering that I still had not even started to figure out where the package was. But knowing that with out my passport I couldn't receive it anyway.

After asking the neighbor that received my package, who had given it to the people who now live in the house, who had given it to the security guards, who had given it back to the mailman and who had brought it back to the post office which I started off in the morning in. NOT KIDDING. I could not tell you how out of it I was. I could not believe something like this was happening again to me. I drive all the way back to the post office, but now with a peace of paper from the guards showing proof that the box had been sent back to the post office with a specific person on a specific date. I go right back in the post office, straight to the back like I worked there, and got the attention of one of the three stooges. I show him the signed piece of paper, and tell him with all the patience left in me that this package has to be here. So he calls the guy whose name is on the sheet of paper. While he talks to the guy, he reaches on top of a computer where the package was, maybe ten feet behind the desk I was waiting at. !!!!!!!!!!! ANY, CURSE WORD YOU WANT TO PUT HERE. I felt just a little relieve to know the package was there. It was all mangled on one side but it looked like the holy grail to me. But then I had to ask the painful question. พี่ครับ ผมต้องมีหนังสือเดินทางที่ได้รับอันนี้ไหม. "yes, you need your passport." he said. I told him to wait while I checked the streets. and that I had just lost it. He looked at me weird but I had no choice.

Now the area I needed to cover was over 10 square miles,(yea impossible I know) so I just thought I would retrace the initial streets I left looking for the package at the old house. I rode around, stopping at every moto-taxi group asking if they had seen it, and left my number with at least one of them in case they found it. I did that for like 45 minutes. Then I parked the motobike back at the post office and decided to comb the main rode the post office is on. I went on foot. Again I ask each moto-taxi group and left my number. I even asked the lady who sweeps the streets. She pointed me at the mini police station underneath the highway. I walked there and he told me to visit the main police station in the area which couldn't be reached on foot. I asked the police officers if they had seen it, and he went on to tell me what I needed to do in this, "this is what you need to do, because I am your dad" voice. And he asked me, "Don't you have a Thai girl friend with you?" Nope, I forgot mine at home. Depressed, hot, hungry, dehydrated, and completely hopeless I returned to my bike after an hour. I popped my head back into the post office, and the same stupid grin of the man who started this whole mess was there looking at me again. It was then that I really wanted to tell him off. He was an idiot for sending me out in the first place when the package was there all along, and now both my passport, and work permit was gone, I waisted my whole afternoon, all my gas was gone and I still couldn't get my package! I asked if I could get the package if I had a copy of my passport, and he said no. No, huh. What the heck is the difference? Your gonna tell me your gonna be professional about that, but your useless when it comes to actually doing your job?!?! I didn't say a word. I wanted to kick his teeth in.

I actually rode back looking for the police station, but had no clue how far it was. It was miles until some thai friends of mine phoned me asking me if I needed help. I still hadn't found the police station, but one of my friends thought it wasn't smart, because I had no ID with me, and now I had no passport, or work permit. Thai law requires foreigners to be able to show these things when asked or face fines, deportation or imprisonment. I decided not to go. It had been 4 hours since I left to start this whole thing. I am so tired, angry, depressed, and done with this place. I have the equivalent of 2 bucks in my pocket, no ID, no passport, no work permit, no way to pay my rent, money I owe the lawyers in getting my work permit, and any other money I need to file a police report, get to the embassy, get new passport, work permit etc. I am emptied out. I can crash my bike, throw my computer out the window, and set my apartment on fire to finish it all off.

I started off this morning replying to a question from a friend from back home in Philly. He asked "define what brother means in Christ, we use this word so loosely?"

I typed back "I think when the early brothers use it, it was a term of endearment and to the amount of love, dedication and sacrifice they had for one another. Remember when Jesus asked the question," who is my mother and who is my brothers?" He points at the disciples and says "whoever does the will of my father who is in heaven is My brother, and sister, and mother." I know people say it to sound Christian, but your right, we should think a little more about what it means or what it takes to be called brothers and sisters in Christ. That means sharing in goods, wealth, time, relationship, etc. and love most of all."

I have that here in Thailand, Philly, Cambodia, Kansas City, South Africa, Chicago, and many other places all over the world. I am not worried about how it will turn out. It does not change who Jesus is. I know people who are in love with Jesus and they will support me. Those are my brothers and sisters, not just because they will help me, but because we all share in the will of the Father. They got my back. Frustrated, yes. Weary, yes. Weak, yes. Confused, yes. Hopeless, speechless, penny less, yes, yes, yes. The perfect recipe for miracles, testimony, faith, trust, hope, and love, in our Jesus Christ.

"Fretting rises from our determination to have our own way. Our Lord never worried or got anxious, because his purpose was never to accomplish His own plans, but to fulfill God's plans. Fretting is wickedness for a child of God." - Oswald Chambers

Year in Review, a vulnerable post

2010-02-03T21:50:00.000-08:00

I thought I would write a little about my thoughts on my first year in Thailand and experiences in Southeast Asia.

Now I could go any where with this. I could write about all the interesting things I have eaten in this part of the world so far. From snake curry to baby duck in an egg. I love the variety in Thai food. Thai food uses spicy, sweet, sour, salty, and flavors. Sometimes all in one dish. Street food has become very normal thing to eat since everyday Thai people, eat street food for the majority of their meals too. My favorite street food meal is probably rice noodles with, luuk chin(like meat balls), meat, with pigs blood. Before you think I am being gross I promise if you ate it and I didn't tell you what was in it, you would enjoy it. I also like other prepared rice noodle dishes as well. My times out living with families in the country side gave me full days of Thai meals. Which means you eat rice and egg at every meal. Plus your snacking all the time. Eating things like tamarind straight off the tree, or coconuts and bananas. Or if your up to it there are lots of bug like things to eat in your meals like; silk worms, baby shrimp, crickets, and geckos. Thai's love their vegetables too. They eat so many kinds of greens. One of the staple foods is papaya salad or som tom. And when you can eat this spicy with, lets say fermented fish, you are in! This was important to embrace this part of the culture since it is so much a part of life and people here. My stomach some days can't handle it, but my heart loves it, because I love Thai people. A way into Thai hearts is through your own stomach.

Of course I have seen very strange, well, not strange. Let's say different ways of doing things. I am not talking about just cultural differences, but also creative ways of doing things. Because I am so use to so many rules and laws in the States that when I see some thing like a car getting towed by some rope and tree limbs at first it's like you want to tell them how wrong it is, but after a while your like, "why not, there are no tow trucks here''. As far as I can tell anyone can set up a business anywhere. I have seen food carts open right outside of a seven eleven. People sell anything everywhere. I know where I can buy a sword, fruit, the first season of LOST, get my hair cut, and eat at a restaurant without taking more than 10 steps. Out in the country side the schools are so far for children to walk, but there are very few forms of public transportation. So here comes this little truck with like 12 people crowding the bed, and like 5 people of the roof. My last job in the states was working for a modular building company. When I see construction being done by untrained teens wearing flip-flops, no helmet, no gloves, or protective glasses using a jack hammer, I cringe. Traffic and the way people drive, by comparison to other developing countries, Thailand is pretty good. But seeing people drive the opposite way on a major street, or 5 people on one motor bike, or little to no traffic lights, still takes some getting use to. Precautions are great but a little too over the top in the states. Especially when you live overseas. But if there where all these rules it wouldn't work. All in all the way things work in this country works for me. Dangerous some times, yea depending on your point of view, but things get done here permit or not.

But what I really want to remember and share with everyone is that going after what God has called us to is hard, lonely at times, asks a lot of you, and is exactly as Jesus described it. Maybe your confused because we all know that, those of you who read this and believe in Christ as your savior. But this die by the day life, has become even more real to me. Please read the next couple of paragraphs with the understanding that I am being vulnerable of my real issues this past year and not just bashing people. I am always the first to be judged when I question others. I will now share some of my struggles in this past year:

Back home my family is going through changes. I have nieces and nephews now, but can't watch them grow up. They go out on family outings, eat Thanksgiving dinners, while I eat a can of tuna just me, myself and I. It hurts and it's hard. My closest friends celebrate weddings, babies, and birthdays. I hear about it, and look at pictures of them on facebook. I struggle some nights where I just sit alone in my apartment thinking of times of hanging out at Applebee's with friends, or playing in snow, or watching the Phillies game on t.v.. My last two years where full of traveling, but never settling anywhere until now. So it never settled in me that I would miss home. Now I do a lot. There I times which I think it would just be easier to be making disciples, helping the poor, loving my enemies back in Philly. I understand that culture. I speak the language. There are plenty of hurt people. But if it where suppose to be easy would it truly be giving up of something? What would I die to, if it was all nice and tidy?

And the spiritual warfare is alive. Spirits of perversion, greed, and power. People taking advantage of people because they are weaker or poorer. Teenagers piled into a room wearing miniskirts waiting to be purchased, homeless all over the streets and no aid, innocent children having their innocence stolen from them by men with sick pleasures, men transforming themselves into women because this world has tricked and hurt them, babies sleeping on the street with no playpen. But I am sure we have all seen these things, or experienced them. But most of you do not live there. Can you see their lives?

I almost forget sometimes that with all our great relief efforts, organizations and ideas, that none of that will change hearts in it's self. There is no NGO that has the power of GOD alone. Jesus needs to be there. Jesus needs to transform communities, build leaders, heal hearts, rescue lives. Good intentions do not saves lives from the gates of hell. I have become more cynical of would be do-gooders coming for just a peek of what life means here. Not willing to stay for the hard road ahead. There is a romantic, savior mentality with people coming here. You can't just kick a door down and save a child. Just because someone says a magical prayer in your week long mission trip, doesn't mean there lives are transformed. Are you sticking around to disciple and follow up? Did not Jesus ask us for our lives in serving him? If I am worth dying for is he not worth living for? You think it is suppose to be comfortable? The next struggle is yet the hardest.

I struggle with anger a lot here. When I see a young Thai girl or boy, hand and hand with a 50 plus year old western man, it burns me up. Or Thai women in the bars all over a customer thinking that "this white man is gonna solve all my problems", I really want to puke and punch someone. Because even this mentality is taught in some families. I can't stand the passiveness of a lot of the men here. How they take advantage of women and children. Yet they feel no conviction to take care of the needs of their families? They just drink and gamble money away. I can't walk into a brothel and just shoot the people running it. Or grab a guy by the hair and beat sense into him. It's not a movie, and Jesus would have something to say about that.

But along with the lows there have been great experiences. Things I never thought of being a part of. I have seen faces of children who were being sold by their parents to sex predators, now safe in an environment of love. I know people who sold them selves and now are sold out for Jesus Christ. And others who have never heard the gospel, whose faces light up when told and are filled with questions of, who is this Jesus? Communities untouched by the power of Jesus are now being transformed by a family who is standing for Christ in persecution. I have walked into really dark places. Places where only the devil and his workers would live. But I have come out safe only to share his love, good news, and to pray for people. And now as I continue to try to sew into the people here, I hope to see more miracles, more transformation, more hope, more sharing of his good news, more LOVE, more boldness to go, and never to look back. This new year I need to learn how to love sex tourist well, love ignorant rich people well, love those who oppress the weak well, love men in general without judgment well, love short term do-gooders well. So to not fight darkness with darkness, light can only light up a dark world.

Please forgive me brothers and sisters if I have offended anyone. But this is real for me. Everyone is accountable to God and not my opinion. I love all those who have been reading and following me, and even those who have not.

"Hate can not drive out hate, only love can do that..."
"Hate is just as injurious to the person who hates..."
"...love is the only force capable of turning an enemy into a friend..."
- Dr. Martin Luther King JR.

Where is the Thanks in Giving and giving thanks?

2009-11-27T07:25:00.001-08:00

I am sitting here a day after thanks giving thinking about where was I a year ago and how did I spend my Thanksgiving.

Yesterday, I spent it alone not by choice of course, but I live in Thailand and it's not a holiday here. The only American family I know left for the holidays, so no invites. So I mostly worked out, watched t.v. and read. Then for my meal I bought a can of tuna and some bread, gave thanks and had my "feast". I ate two sandwiches, and thought about leaving the rest for tomorrow. But I thought to my self that I would normally over eat at home, and gave my self permission to eat it. Given my recent financial squeeze and the circumstance, it was one of the best tuna sandwiches I ever had.

I looked into my Journal entry of last year Thanksgiving and was curious as to what I had written down to be thankful for. 11-24-08 Being alive. Being loved. Having clothes. Having food. Having a bed to sleep in. Call it being simple, or spiritual but I truly am thankful of those things. A little context behind my life up until that journal entry. August of last year I was homeless. Not in the normal way. My friend Mike and I decided to go along the Midwest sharing the vision of the ministry we were hoping to start. No car and no money. Hitch hiking a third of the trip, we would travel over 3,000 miles, visit 10 states, speak in over 10 churches, spend 37 days on the road and spend zero dollars on the whole trip. The thing I remember the most was the feeling of being homeless. The cops harassed us, people were afraid of us, people cursed us, looked at us with hate, even the church didn't help us out! All I kept thinking was about how a homeless person must feel having to deal with this. I left with more of appreciation for things things I have and better understanding of why people go to extremes to survive.

The most stressing thing on the lower class Thais is money problems. Sounds familiar. I didn't grow up with it all, but lower class American is not the same as lower class Thai. I understand a lot of their situations. I can identify with the hurt, and the things people do to get out or forget about life. This little money problem I have now is small compared with what a single mother here has to deal with. Sure I have to ration a loaf of bread, tuna and stressing about how I am gonna get a can of oatmeal to last till the end of the month but what if I had a child or two? What if your boyfriend was only good for sleeping around and beating on you? There is no ware fair check, or wic here. Jobs are scarce. the common job places you in a factory working 12 hour shifts for less than 10 dollars for the day. The poor get little to no help. And if there is it's not being advertised.

My question to my self is, Am I thankful in giving, or am I just thankful for what I get? Thanksgiving places me in worship of God in remembering what he has done for me. But I am further challenged to give with equal passion. I am a fan of James 1:27, Matthew 5:23, Proverbs 14:31, Isaiah 1:17, and my other verses that point to the fact that God has a heart for those who seem to have nothing. I am selfish in my everyday life out side of God. Have you ever heard anyone say, "I am so thankful to give." I want to give, and take the time to understand those who have nothing, and do the most hateful things to each other just to survive. AM I above them? I say no, because being a village girl, with no education, haven been raped, abused, left as someones piece of property, with two children is not reality for most of us. An inner city youth gun tucked in his jeans selling nicks and dimes on the corner, whose mom is a crack head, dad is locked up leaving him with baby sis to take care of with no hesitation to kill if someone tries to take his spot, because we don't wake up in his shoes. We don't and won't understand the lowest of lows until we put on the heart of God, and see things with Jesus' eyes and understand where they are coming from. I would rather offer life to these people than to judge it.

I believe God is thankful to give to his children. I want the Lord's heart in this action. I think to be truly thankful is to give like Jesus. Interesting something Jim Larson pointed out in one of his recent blogs. If you look at James 1:27 the part that says, "to visit orphans and widows in their distress, {and} to keep oneself unstained by the world." The word "And" is not found in the NASB, KJV, NKJV, DBY. That changes the verse a little bit don't it?

The truth offends because it's the truth.

Copy cat

2009-08-23T23:50:00.000-07:00

Here is a something interesting to know about Thai culture, they love imitating. Not to say that they are not proud of their culture or people, but with all the influences around them, I guess they can't help them selves. There is a huge popularity of Korean entertainment here. Probably more influential then the west, as far as entertainment goes. They watch Korean movies, play Korean games, and they love, love, love Korean pop music, and superstars. Again I am speaking in general.

Everyone is coping someone or something. Not just in Thailand. One reason I hear why people can't follow Jesus is that they want to own their own life. It's hard to give it to something else. Which I would agree with, sorda."I want to do what I want to do, it's my life." Or ,"only God can judge me, so I am going to do me." That last one is a hood saying.

Irony? Most people who live their life for themselves are actually doing what everyone else is doing. Your not rebellious, you just doing what the majority does. Isn't a rebel's life is going against the grain, not following everyone? Yet, we all do it. At some point, or even now, what people think or say about ourselves, controls us. The "in" fashion becomes what we like. The "in" movies, or music, yup we buy the cd or dvd. I was one who didn't believe that these things controlled me. How about what people think about how a relationship works. Mostly from books and movies. It's all selfish. People use each other, or one gets abused. Or romantic fairy tales that go against the values of God. We need GOD!

There has always been that question in my mind about the religions of the world. Who do they follow? Who models what they believe in? Some of them have a model. But all of them died and their bones are worshiped. But only one died, came back to life and lived, and is still living. In fact he promised he would live inside of those who believed in him, to show us his ways. That is why we are not religious but have a living relationship.

Are Christians suppose copy someone? OH yea, that Jesus guy. The blueprint that Jesus left behind to further his kingdom, was to be a disciple, and disciple others. And all these great gifts would be passed on to us to show of his glory. Emphasis on the gift of the Holy spirit. I think God knew we would be in trouble if we had to figure it out on our own.

Recently I had a friend I made Bee, who worked at a local guesthouse, call me and ask how she could become a Christian lady monk. Weird pairing of words. But I don't know how long ago the seed was planted all I know is that God with out me even knowing, led me to water this seed. In number of conversations with me, she found out that, I did not do the things other foreigners did in Thailand. In fact I was here to help. That I love Thai people and want to help them receive life. That I wasn't here to help my self but to give my self up to people who have no clue who I am. I guess she saw Jesus in that. She came and visited the center recently with a friend to come and see how they can help out at the center. They don't know Jesus yet, but this is what Bee said of Christians, "I want to become one, because they help other people, and don't just think about themselves." That humbled me, because it's hard not to think about yourself. She is now going to help teach Art at the center, and God knows what else may happen. She has already been telling others about this new way of life, and she hasn't read the Bible yet!

I once heard someone say the you might be the only Bible someone ever reads. Man that is some pressure. But I have faith that God is sanctifying me everyday. I give it to him everyday. But let's keep it simple. If your gonna copy someone, start with the homeless guy that only did what the father told him. He took regular guys and turned them into world changers. I thank God in my case, that the bar isn't that high when Jesus covers my sins and gives me the Holy spirit.

1 Timothy 1:15
Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full attention: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst.

John 12:26
If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, he will my father honor.

Journal Entry July 31 part 1

2009-07-31T06:56:00.000-07:00

I will share a personal entry of my devotional journal. I write of what God is bringing to me, and challenging me. I will post it in two parts. Reason is it will be long if I put it in one, and also both parts speak on different points. So this is the first part. There is a lot of Jim Elliot's journal in it. May it challenge and encourage your heart.

31 July
As I have been reading, ,'Shadow of the Almighty' I questioned myself in the up lifting feeling and urgency I get from Jim Elliot's words. It is not the words of the Lord but his. Yet anything we "create" he gets the glory. AMEN.
His Journal entry on October 24, 1949 is exactly the same idea I write about here. He writes about Brainerd's diary. Speaking about Brainerd's life he writes, "I have considered Hebrews 13:7 just now, regarding the remembrance of certain ones who spake the word of God, 'consider the outcome of their life, and imitate their life and imitate their faith.'
He goes on to list others of the faith that he read about, that challenged his walk. The next entry he writes about how similar are Brainerd's thoughts to his regarding 'true and false religion'. I am recorded in saying the same about Jim Elliot in an earlier entry.
Most of what I read in Christian litereature are biographys. I try not to get caught up in this fad of current books that want the reader to reshape the church or just tell you how it's doing it all wrong, in a back door, think like me, style. I am all for challenging, in fact I say we need it. But I will take a person's true life, and true self over someones attempt to sound relevant and different, anyday.
"I see the value of Christian biography tonight". Jim Elliot wrote that in the same entry. I agree with you Jim. "O lord, let me be granted grace to'imitate their faith'. This from the man who would write four days later on October 28th,"He is no fool who gives what he can not keep to gain what he can not lose". I pray that I can be a man like Elliot, that would be a stepping stone for generations to come.

Now my point is not that I worship Jim, but that as a fatherless generation, we have men that we can be spurred on by. And in the same point we also have amazing women. Even if they are gone. Paul even urged Timothy and others to follow him as he followed Christ.
So reading about Piper, Spurgeon, has got more than just facts about people.

The next entry is all personal things I speak of and think on.

Fruit in Eternity

2009-07-11T00:23:00.000-07:00

"I trust that eternity will reveal fruit from the effort." - Jim Elliot

I will give you what God has being revealing to me, but first wanted to give you some updates on ministry here.

Things at the Well, have been going through some changes. Some changes in programs and some, in some of the women and men. There are five from the ministry up at a Bible training school. They are doing very well and some are really growing. There could be some future prophets or preachers in the group. Maybe not right away, but everything has it's processes.
As for the rest of the Women at the Well, there has been a lot of sickness going around. Fevers, and headaches are the worst of them. There has been two babies recently born from the women at the center. There are plenty of other ones also crawling around at the center. Jesus, we need some fathers!
Jim has been really challenging the men and women, to really grow and become leaders of their community. On our little Sunday gatherings, call it church, or what ever your liking, Jim has really been challenging and encouraging the women to step out in faith. To walk in the authority of Jesus in the things they do. Like telling others about Jesus, or reaching out to their families, and neighbors. To Love their neighbors has been a focus in these discussions and teachings also.

So that's a little snap shot of life at the Well. Mr. Larson has his own blog at www.servantworks.com/jim . So if you want to hear other stories or insights you can check it out. I don't know, I think he's kinda cool;)

Personally I have been encouraged, by some new friends I have made recently. I met Add and Juup just this past week. Thai young adults, who feel personally called out to make a change in what's going on around them. They see the pain and hurts, and lost lives. They know the issues plaguing the young people. A lot of the issues are similar to what I grew up watching. Unfaithful fathers, drug addictions, gangs, prostitution, lack of education, no families, poor values, etc. Straight up like the hood! I talked to Add for some time over lunch, as he told his story, my spirit just got lifted. His talked about some of his family members being drug dealers, and having to live in a church for part of his life just got me. Man, isn't this God not incredible? How was he spared? For some reason he took to going to church. He realized the power of God and his life had been changed from there on in. Gradually being blessed with a group of believers that loved him like family, and then moving on to University. I didn't get to speak to Juup much until this pass weekend, as I spent a night in their neighborhood, and got to worship with their house church group. It was bangin! (awesome) She has a happy, affectionate spirit. She too wants to do something about the Kingdom. God raises up soldiers to win, Amen. Do we really want to do something about the lost? I once read that "We don't believe something simply by saying we believe it, or even when we believe that we believe it. We believe something when we act as if it where true." - Dallas Willard

I feel like God has answered my cries for friendship. For brothers and sisters to build this Kingdom on earth with. To start really loving on the inner city, working class people. Add told me that he had never met a man that reached out to prostitutes, until he met Jim. I said,"Jesus hung out and loved on women like that in his ministry." He just thought for a bit and smiled. And nodded in agreement, and let out a "Yea".

If God could take me out of Kensington, North Philly, then anything is possible through his transforming power and love. It took time, but God is so faithful! I have always felt like the hood doesn't define me, but Christ does. But God chose to raise me up in a hurting broken place. I don't speak about it to pump me up, but I glorify the father in his amazing plans. I will always remember my times playing in the fire hydrant in the summer, because we didn't have a park to swim in. Or running in the house, because a shoot out just broke out. I never thought I would ever live to see 16 years of age, let alone leave the city. Can anything good come from Nazareth? I know it. It can come out of these streets, slums, suburbs, rich communities and hoods of Bangkok too. I will trust that eternity will show fruit, so no use in sitting here and waiting for eternity, I got work to do.

"What if you where dead in sins, and Christians over looked Y'all; This is why we leave the couch and leave the comforts of our house, to show a dying world a God they probably never read about!" - Lecrae Moore (Christian Rapper)

Another visit to Cambodia

2009-06-22T05:47:00.000-07:00

As you cross the border from Thailand to Cambodia, you are immediately convinced that you are in another country. The roads are dusty, some local is trying to rip you off, and there are tons of beggar street kids. I have seen this scene before in other countries, but it's unusual because I live in the country right next to Cambodia, and it doesn't resemble Thailand at all in a lot of ways.

I visited my friends who are working hard to fight along side other ministries against the darkness of sexual exploitation. Especially against small children. In the tiny slum of Svay Pak is where the world's pedophiles come. My friends are working to love, and disciple these young victims. If anything could help these children from the hell they face, it has to be Jesus. I helped out with the children's programs for two days, and loved it. The children remembered me from the last time I was there. "Frankie" they yell with their little cute voices. Did some hip-hop dancing while I was there. Well, these kids can throw down! They do these break dance moves that leave your mouth hanging open. I had so much fun playing with them. I feel sad that I can't stay longer. But glad that my friends are committed to stay as I am committed to Thailand. As for the rest of the area around Phnom Penh, it's just as sad. As soon as the sun falls, the brothels, and bars open up for business. And late at night the prostitutes flood the city parks, and ladyboys come out also.

It is hope that gets most of us out of the cloud of darkness that fills some of these areas of injustice. There is hope for these Southeast Asian countries in which people of being taken advantage of, and satan is taking souls. Although there are plenty of organizations out to help, there is still the need for long term workers. Especially for the locals to rise up in the name of Jesus, and take their own children from this grip of death, and tragedy. I was reminded of this as I stood a night on the way to Phnom Penh, in Siem Reip. I was shopping for a sim card, when I noticed some people's eyes fixed on the sky. I looked and saw something I have never seen in my young life. Not one full and colorful rainbow, but two! Maybe we have forgotten the reason rainbows fill the air on a rainy day. It's God reminder that he will not flood the earth once more, no matter how wicked we are. But more than that it's the hope of glory, for all who see the colorful reminder. These three remain faith, hope and love.

Been reading a book written by the man who wrote,"Terrify No More", Gary A. Haugen. A book that is well known in the fight for the victims of sex trafficking, It documents a bust done in Svay pak. That's right the same place I just told you about. Well, he wrote another book called,"Just Courage". I love it when people challenge me. I am not done with the book, but one thing is clear, God is all about JUSTICE! But the sad fact is to do the real hard, dangerous work, it takes some courage. Courage our soft little Christian world, wants little to do with. We have fear. There is one plan to reach these hard areas of the world where spreading the gospel into hostile countries, or rescuing a child out of a brothel, or coming face to face with war zones, can mean harm, persecution, and sacrifice beyond our comfort. The plan is us. Not just us of course. God ultimately holds the cards. Jesus did his thing, dieing for the sins of the world, resurrecting, and sending his Holy Spirit. But who's job is it to physically do the rescuing? We are the hands and feet.

There is tons of scripture pointing to the responsibility of God's children to up hold justice, and mercy. A few Isaiah 1:17, Isaiah 61:1, Proverbs 14:31, Proverbs 18:5, Micah 6:8, Matthew 23:23. But none of it can be fully understood, without our minds and hearts being like God's. What I mean by saying that, is that the source, of all these acts of courageousness, justice and mercy, is his love in being in relationship with him. So don't get me wrong, working against these things are what I am all about. But, to do things just for the cause erases Jesus from the picture. I have seen people with my own eyes, get hammered just by the emotional toll working in this world of sexual exploitation, and they haven't had time to face the spiritual warfare aspect of it! One of my favorite writers, Oswald Chambers of course, says it like this,"Jesus Christ calls service to be what we are to him, not what we do for him".

Let's keep fighting my brothers and sisters. I am not into hiding my light under fear. Fear is just a word.

I cried in a mall

2009-06-03T08:25:00.000-07:00

It's funny when and where God can and will speak to you. Even the fact that he speaks to us can captivate me. With all the planning we tend to do, the thing we can't plan for, is how we will respond when God calls us out. Jonah ran away. Abram packed up his stuff and went. Moses made excuses. Paul laid down his accomplishments, and body. It's the story Jesus tells us about the house on sandy ground and the storm comes. It's the parable he tells us about the seed that falls on the thorns. Will our foundation lack real relationship and trust in God? Will the worries of this world get us? When we finally learn to listen to God, do we actually carry out what he says? When we find out how much we have to give up, do we want it anymore?

I didn't know what I was getting into when I stepped out of my box, and help lead a group teenagers, and college students to Africa. Never gone further then Texas up to that point, and yet God wanted this ghetto kid who grew up eating cheese whiz sandwiches, playing baseball in the middle of the street, playing in a fire hydrants in the summer time cause we had no pools, to lead. My next step was to quit my job, sell my truck and give away my dog. A year later and 4 trips to Africa brought me to another decision.

There was a group of some crazy missionary friends that wanted to form a group to reach the unreached places of the world. Dangerous corners where darkness claims the territory and peoples hearts. And God called this hood kid who, had no father to raise him, lived on welfare, stared into death at the end of a gun, to join these people. And so I hitched hiked to Kansas City, to go to a church plant school, with no money.

I end up in the country landscape of Thailand starring at rice fields. Again with a decision. Do I stay or do I go home. Let me tell you what kept me grounded in all those instances of my life, and how it led to living here. It started with a God who loved me enough to die and resurrect for my sins, Amen. This God called me out. So I faced God several times with this idea that he wanted to turn the world upside down for him and wants me to be a part in it. I got on my knees and said "Lord if i can't give up all that I have right now for you, then why do I say I believe. I am ready." Months later when God spoke to me to go, and there I was facing the fire. But each time I choose, I did it cause that is what he requires of me. Because I love him.

All this takes me to 2 weeks ago. I was coming back from taking care of some business at the US embassy, when I decided to take a break and get something to eat. I stepped into this nice little mall. I stopped at a book store just to browse. I found the South Asia book section. Books on, brothels in Singapore, prostitutes in Pattaya, Thailand, lady boys in Thailand, the poor in Burma, War and depression in Cambodia. Images filled my head like I had downloaded them off of itunes or something. I walked out and headed towards the Burger King. As I walked each women working in the place reminded me of all the broken, empty, torn hearts that I see everyday. Each man reminded me, of generations lost of fathers and killed off in wars. I cried in that mall. I wept hard inside. As people sipped up their Starbucks, I was trying not to break down in sorrow.

How does this all connect? Did God show Abram the land that he would give his offspring? Did God give a detailed plan of the things that would test the heart of David? Job know because he obeyed, he would lose it all? If we are only concerned with God then we understand why we have to do things to some degree. Psalms 25:12 "Him shall he teach in the way he chooses". But what is certain we should Believe, not just know about it, Believe! Deuteronomy 29:29 "The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but things that are revealed belong to us and our children forever...".

I don't write this being the example of faith, I think some of you know me to well to claim that, but to say, Yes to God is a step closer to finding out who he meant for you to be. To share his heart for the world. I am an apostle to South East Asia! I cry out for these people.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal

A good Word, God's heart in ME

2009-05-25T07:42:00.000-07:00

Even though I am young, I come to truly believe that over the past years the revelation of; my Heart being good because Christ is in me, and the central point of the kingdom of God is a true relationship with Jesus Christ, are ground breaking truths. We all know that Frank! Know with your head or know with your Heart?

If you could go to the concordance of your Bible and look up all the functions of the heart you probably would be refreshed severely. Notice that the Heart has eyes(Eph.1:18), gets circumcised(Rom.2:29), makes music(Eph.5:19), is where our spirits dwell(1Cor.1:22), we believe with it(Rom.10:9), our desires are there(Matt.6:21), God's laws are written on it(Heb.10:16), love with it(Dt.6:5), so on and so on. So where does God go when he wants to know what really is going on with you, and not your usual "I am doing good" answer on Sunday mourning? Your Heart!(1Sam.16:7) Not only did he create it, and knows it(Lk.16:15), but he pimped it out! Now how about those ideas of our Hearts being evil, and dark, and deceitful, and blah blah blah. A trick of the enemy my brothers and sisters. Last time I checked I am a child of God. God removed that Heart and gave me a new one. We don't function like that. And the pure in heart, cleanse my heart, creating in me a new heart, songs make no sense if we don't believe that our hearts have been truly changed for the good. Before you start thumbing trough your Bible looking for an argument, stop an see what your doing. Are you fighting this to say that your heart is wicked? What team are you on? Gotcha! That devil been lying to you again. I can go on and on, but just wanted to make the point that as a follower in Christ your Heart does not function in the ways of the world; it belongs to God. Sure we lend it out, to our flesh sometimes, or completely ignore it and let the enemy borrow it, but God is sovereign! To borrow an analogy from Mr. John Eldredge, if our bodies are God's temples, then consider the Heart as the Holy of Hollies. I have a Good heart!

The other issue I had is this follow Jesus thing. Man there are so many things to follow when you come into the Christian world. Now do I serve my local church, or go overseas? Do I get my seminary degree, or go to a training course? Do I wear a tie, or rock my fitted(wear my baseball cap)? Too much noise I came to find out. As the Lord tended to my heart, I began to spend intimate time with him, and soon discovered that if I don't get right with you Lord, I am just working for other Christians. Which in it's self is not bad at all. It was suppose to be a lot simpler than where it has come. He said, "seek first the kingdom of God", ok I will do that but in the mean time, I got these bills to pay. He said, "ask and I will give the nations to you", that's cool but I got this 10 year plan where I have a wife, kids, and swimming pool. He said, "don't worry about your life", good idea first I need to get all my life goals reached, and enough money to get started on not worrying. Jesus did not say that any person who takes no thought about his life is blessed-no, he is a fool! That last sentence Oswald Chambers said. Nothing wrong with those things, they just made everything about following Jesus noisy. As my heart grew for the things on God's heart, it became clear that one of the first things I had to start doing is placing him in the center. The most important thing, and everything else second. I mean like way in the distance for me, like Michael Phelps distance. Where second place feels like seventh. This is a hard discipline to learn. The rest of Matthew 6:33 talks about all these other things shall be added. Things like, calling, God's will, job, how many kids do I have. Tell me how are you suppose to do that when you are busy chasing the answer, and not after God who has the answer? Remember what Jesus said ,would choke the word out of us, in the parable of the seeds? The devil right? Wrong! He said "the worries of this world".

Did David have a heart after God? Yes! Did he do all those stupid things, after or before he gave his heart to God? Point is he followed God, and his heart was God's. Imagine what the world would be if Christians believed that God gave them a good heart, and that Jesus lived in them, and they followed Jesus' words. We have it. A mentor of mine Jim Bailey once said,"he is with you always, the kingdom of God is that close".

My dreams and meeting U and Kay

2009-05-15T21:44:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night and this is the way it went.

I was on a bike just enjoying the moment and my surroundings. A women came my way also riding a bike. As we crossed paths she clumsily ran into me. I thought at least she did. We exchanged words and basically I argued that she was going the wrong way and should watch where she is going, and she disagreed. We went our separate ways. I followed her with my eyes and saw that she was provocatively dressed, her make up was running off and She looked worn out. She looked like a prostitute. She ran right into what looked like a closed garaged door. All I could think was, "does this women have any clue where she is going"? I continued riding and after some minutes our paths crossed again. She saw me coming and I saw her. But still she ran into me again. Again I scolded her about her lack of "direction". Again I just stood still as she took off again, kind of looking disgruntled. She rode right into another closed door. Again I shook my head in amazement, at the lack of control this women had. She turned the bike and started again after running into this closed door, but ran into a railing, lost her balance and fell over the railing, and proceeded to fall down to her... I don't know. I was too horrified in the dream to look to see what had happened to the woman. I woke up at that point. My heart raced...

The last two nights I have been out to the bars doing outreach with visiting short term groups. I plan on going tonight also. I connected with these two teen girls the other night, although they say they are older. I introduced Jim to them last night so that he can share with them further the heart of the ministry and just overall know more about them. I am think they are about 16 and have been working there for a week. For the sake of prayer, and keeping their identity, I will call them U and Kay. They come from the Northeast area of Thailand as most, and have no other way of making money, so they think. They seem real lost about why they are there, but also open to what we had to say. I am really praying for these two girls, as well as others we are building relationships with in the bars. But we just remember that God timing is perfect, and can only wait for him to become their Lord. Some times the girls have come out in waves into the ministry and sometimes there is a dry spell. Right now it is a dry season, but we have faith that God never sleeps!

One thing that gets to me is the inappropriate touching these women go through. Granted some of them have grown use to the fact that it comes with the job. But I know they don't like it. Doesn't it get me angry? Righteously angry! Men who lack any kind of respect for God's precious daughters. You know what is TRUTH; Christ died for them all.

Pray for U and Kay, and for the Lords time and heart to be before us. Pray for outreach tonight as I go out with another group tonight.

What do you think of that dream? I want to let you know that God doesn't give me dreams often, but when I ask for it, man he gives them to me! It spoke to me on various levels, but would love to hear from my brothers and sisters.

With Love

Visitation

2009-05-10T04:56:00.000-07:00

One of the ways the bible records Jesus did outreach, was house visitation. Thailand culture is welcoming to this so it's not a big idea. In different African I experience the same kind of treatment. And most of the time, it ended up in just sharing life over a meal. The same case as in Thailand. Middle eastern culture is said to be very much the same. A welcoming home, with a meal. So we read in scripture that Jesus would encounter the same. In fact it seemed like a lot of things were done over some kind of get together. The first miracle, meals with tax collectors, the 5,000 fed, the last supper, and so on and so forth. Is there something to this visiting someone's house thing?

I have been going out with Jim more and more to do visits with former Well students, who went away for different reasons, and most not good. One of them is a bright, pretty 19 old girl who is working at a local bar, and is a heavy alcoholic. First we caught up with her while she was out working the bar. She seemed kind of open to coming back. Then Jim and I returned a couple days later to an apartment she was at. Not the most promising site, as I entered the room, it just smelled like cigarettes, beer and body oder, and her alone with four other guys. So Jim talked for a while, while I just sat and scoped out the place. They seemed so bored. When people here have no jobs, motivation or anything to live for, they just sleep eat and drink. She was unwilling to come back or cut any other deal to get her back to her feet. Sad, but sometimes you have to just let God deal with people the hard way.

The same day we first visited that girl, we also attempted to visit two other former Well students. I say attempt because both times we went, they were passed out. This drug that is popular here is called BAYA, and is described as a crystal meth type drug. They are both strung out on it. But the same day we returned to visit the other girl, we stopped by to visit these girls again. this time they were awake in their little 6x8 room, with no money. One of the girls is 21 and pregnant. The other is a 15 year old cute girl, that Jim had met two years ago working the bars. She was thirteen working at a bar, trying to entertain grown men! We sat with them over a meal Jim bought, and just talked. Jim was catching up with them, and I talked told them a bit of my testimony as Jim translated. It was a good visit though. I think they felt the sincere Love, that we honestly care about them. Both seemed open to coming back to the ministry and trying it out again. Lord knows he has better plan, than just sleeping and getting high.

Pray that these three girls will be kept safe from the traps of the enemy. Pray especially for the 19 year old, whose heart is closed to GOD's Love.

There is something about community living. Sharing in each other's life experiences. Taking the time out of our life to give it to others for the sake of Christ. I like it a lot. Be encouraged to open your home, or visit someone, and have church right there. Maybe bring over a bucket of chicken, or some tacos. So get over feeling like your invading someone's space. Or intruding. That's just a western thinking pattern. Let's get Kingdom minded and Love. Follow Jesus.

A little taste of Philly and praises

2009-05-05T08:30:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday I helped out with the worship team in a International Church near by. I used to play percussion at my church back home in Philly. Shout out to CCC! After the service, I mingled around and spokemet to some nice guys. I met one guy who's dad was born in Philly! So my new friend George, is an EAGLES fan! He bleeds green like me. Also a PHILLIES fan to add. World Champs! At a time where I am really missing some comforts, God has really blessed me with a connection. I don't know where it will go, but It also turns out that he George also has a heart to bring together believers in my age range. You know the type that is not married, out of college life. So I hope this will be a good way to start connecting with more people.

The other day after running around taking care of some errands, I stopped to get something to eat. I saw a burger and pizza sign. I was such in a mood for a burger. After sitting down for just a few minutes, I ordered my burger, and the owner of the place came out to chat. His name is Stanley and he is Canadian. But he had spent enough time in the states where he didn't really have an accent. He said he had just opened, and that he was tired of eating lousy American food here and wanted to make real stuff. Then he said something, that sounded beautiful to my ears. He said he had a friend from West Chester, which is just outside of Philly, who made CHEESE STEAKS. He said he was thinking about trying to make them part of the menu. Is God great. He knows how to treat his children.

Apart from Cheese steaks and, having a nice little restaurant, I enjoyed Stanley's company. We had interesting conversations about missions, and the Christian faith. But maybe God has a bigger plan. I know what you Philadelphians are thinking, a bigger plan than having CHEESE STEAKS? Yea, bigger than that. I felt like it won't be the last we talk about Christ over a good burger.

Some ministry news as well. One of the guys who was part of the Well ministry was recently released from jail. Praise HIM! He is back working at the Well. He has one of the women at the Well pregnant, so we pray that God has a plan for him, and for him to receive Christ as his savior. Today Jim, and I talked of starting a new ministry, that would allow the men who come to the ministry and do something other than card making. So Jim thought, maybe come general construction business, or landscaping to start. It would also be a discipleship tool to teach the men some integrity in the ways of Jesus. More importantly, just love them like brothers. So it's just brain storming, but God is the one we want to glorify in the end. Pray for these kind of ideas to reach out to the men in Thailand. For the men to become fathers to their children, and to fight for their families, and become God fearing husbands. AMEN!

Bar outreach and following Jesus

2009-05-02T06:25:00.000-07:00

Jim and I, and a friend went into the bars the other night, for outreach. I might have explained what I mean by bar outreach in an email several months back, but allow me to describe it for you.

Southeast Asia is very well known for it's sex tourism. The way it looks in Bangkok is nothing short of a human rental system. It's like your neighborhood Blockbuster. Big illuminated sign out front. You can go in and check out the merchandise in HD. Then after browsing around, you can check one out. You know rent one out for a couple of days, or just a night. If you don't like what you see, or liked what you tried out, you can go to the next store next door, or down the street. I hope you followed all the analogies I used with out being too vivid. It is a degrading, distasteful, money making line of business. The bar areas are in dead end streets with various, "message parlors, bars, and hotels". But some are just out right Go-Go bars. Loud music is common. Neon lights flash and women hang out front half naked at times, sitting there waiting for customers. Not all women have sex with customers. Some just entertain them. Some are real pushy, while others are quite sweet. They have people working the doors trying to pitch their bar to you. There are also plenty of Ladyboy bars in these areas also. They seem to be the more aggressive ones. Often I don't get by a Ladyboy bar without getting physically touched. A Ladyboy is what a transvestite or, very feminized man is called in Thailand. It's very common in Thailand, and well excepted in society. You really have to do a double take and convince your self that they are men. They can look very convincing as women. A regular sin bin of drugs, sex, and whatever else they can think of. So we go in these bar areas with Jesus living in us.

This was my third time doing outreach in the bars. We made our rounds to some of the women who Jim knows and checked up on them. We also met some new ones. I met Nan, as Jim was talking with another women he knows who works in a bar. She was very nice and open to talk. And, most are since they make a living doing it. But I sensed the Spirit just guide me in conversation just making small talk. At this point in being here, 3 months, I can carry a small conversation pretty well in Thai. She told me, she was from Surin, a town not that from from where I stayed out in Buriram province. She asked what I was doing here in Bangkok. Very quickly I sense she knew I wasn't there for what most men are there for. Which is not bad. Love is a powerful tool. Let the light shine in dark places, my brothers and sisters! After a short while of talking, I introduced her to Jim, who can speak and understand a good amount of Thai. He got deeper with her, and found out she had no children, and was working in the bar cause she needed a job. Jim gave her the info for the Well, and left her an open door to come.

This may look like a senseless ministry environment. How could anything good come from that place? But once again we serve a God who rewrites the book on impossible everyday. In fact The women I helped serve out in Buriram, for my first three months here, came out of one of these same bars. She had worked in one for 4 years. Jim reached her, God did the work, and now she is serving the Lord full force out in her village. There are several women in the Well, with the same story, or with even worse cases. The ministry I help with Jim and his wife, is called the Well, because of the testimony of the women at the well in John 4. Jesus met her there. Where she was. He showed her love, spoke truth to her and showed his true self to her. She ran to her village, and testified about him. Pray for these outreaches.

" Only by walking with God can we hope to find the path that leads to life. That is what it means to be a disciple. After all-aren't we "followers of Christ"? Then by all means, let's actually follow him. Not ideas about him. Not just principles. HIM."
- John Eldredge
I am a follower of Jesus Christ. That is all I can try to do with my life.

Getting real

2009-04-29T08:56:00.000-07:00

Well, for those of you who know me, know that I value real hearts, and real relationships. So starting life here has been hard. Because I want to be personal with everyone. But with a language barrier, it makes it hard to do so. Also the cultural barrier as well. Not only as an American, but a Hispanic American. So what I have been feeling lately is a bit of loneliness. Weird you might think. I have a great host family who encourages me. I work in an environment where there are tons of loving people. Yet, I feel by myself at times. It's the starting a new life, in a new place I guess. No one really knowing who I am. No friendships with any kind of history. God has been hitting me hard in this area, in my times alone with him. At times I feel really sad. I anticipate the day when I can have a family of my own and not be alone anymore. But there will be times when I will feel alone in those times too. But, there is the side of me, let's call it the Holy Spirit, who knows to well, that God can work through me very well in my loneliness and singleness.

I know that all this will take time, and it's perfectly normal to feel lost in the beginning. After all, God works best with those who don't feel like they know it all. I think he calls it being humbled.

There are some financial needs coming that I need to address. I have found a motorbike to purchase for transportation. I am getting ready to enroll in a language school, to learn Thai formally. I have started to learn with a tutor two days a week. Also starting to come up with ministries with the men and women in the area. So pray on it. But if you know that you heart is connecting with the ministry here and want to support it, just email me. God Bless

Dancing Machine

2009-04-23T08:18:00.000-07:00

The past two days where my first with, the Well. I enjoyed just being around the women and children. I walked around and had small talk with most of the students there. There are few men there. But I hope and pray, that GOD is moving in these men, and that I can be a light to them. Wednesdays and Thursdays, are days that they learn English, and have small group Bible studies. I have been asked to help out in the English classes. I don't remember liking English in school, but it's a different thing when you know the some of the women's stories, and look into the eyes of the children. Jesus does wonders for the heart. So here I am, Mr. Frank, English teacher.

Jim and I have been talking about some ministry ideas for the local Thai people. One of the ideas, was to teach Hip Hop. Now, I love to dance, but don't consider my self good enough to be an instructor. "Become all things to man", the apostle Paul's famous words. But more importantly to me, is the presence of the Holy Spirit filling me up with courage, and equipping me. God is so good. Today was the first day of classes. They loved it! I just started with some basic moves. They started out very shy, but soon enough, we were all dancing a little routine I made up. Jim thought it would be a good idea to include a little Thai traditional dance moves to the mix. So I mixed it in with some old school Tut moves. Jim asked them how often do the want to practice; "Tuk wan", transliteration for "everyday!" Good thing the Thai people love the urban culture. God knew what he was doing when he placed me in the hood. Pray that God can really use this to give them joy, and confidence.

Pray for these opportunities to reach out to these broken hearts, and fill them with everlasting life. I hope you think twice when you hear the loud bass coming from a speaker, and rap yelling at your ear. God made all things, including HIP HOP.

Some thoughts

2009-04-20T20:55:00.000-07:00

It's official, I am staying in Bangkok indefinitely. I must say that this decision is a hard one, but I have been elected and chosen.

So I have been sending emails about what was going through my mind, and the things I saw and was experiencing in my time here. I felt the strongest impression about a month into staying here that this could be home. It's easy to plug oneself in any situation out of a need basis. "There is hunger in this country I need to feed them!""There is a shortage of hospitals in this town, I need to help them!""There are children in brothels becoming sex slaves, I need to rescue them!" All these examples are cause for action, but what action? Long term or short term aid has been something of an enigma for me. Both has it's upsides. But how about the monkey and the fish situation? You know the story of the monkey thinking that he had helped the fish, because he thought he had rescued it out of the struggling waters. Then when he put it on the ground, the monkey thought it was happy to be rescued, because it seemed to flop around with joy. When in actuality it killed the fish in its "good intentions." I am not here for good intentions. I want to come along side what the Lord is already doing here. My heart is to share his heart and plan for the lost here. To further disciple the believers here. To look in the eyes of the broken hearted and tell them what Jesus sees in them.

Your fellow brother in Christ,
Francisco Santiago III